So me and my BF have been dating for close to a year now. We don’t live together and due to classes only get to see each other a couple times a month but we talk online a lot.

I have slowly realized that he treats other people way better than myself. Here are some examples:

• If others want to play a video game, he will, but he won’t always do the same with me. Sometimes he pushes back.
• If others want to eat at a certain restaurant, he won’t stand up for himself. If it’s just us two, he will sometimes veto ideas unless he likes them
• In a big group chat, when he wants to go to bed early and I’m like “hey stay up” he won’t. But when someone else says “you should stay” he does
• He’s often grumpier around me. He often says that he really appreciates that he can drop his mask around me. But to me it seems like I have to experience his asshole-ish nature more

Now here’s where it gets tricky. I have confronted him on this and he always gives me the same answer: it’s impossible for me to act like that all the time and I need someone to be myself around.

Basically he is saying that he is always having to act in a manner around others that’s tough for him. He suffers from anxiety and depression and having to be “always on” is tough for him. He needs to let his guard down and actually relax around someone. And not to be forced into things.

I don’t really know how to response to that since it (kinda) sounds reasonable. But at the same time we’re boyfriends. He should be doing more with me.

Give me some advice Reddit. Or at least tell me what I can say to him.