We have been together for two years and a half and the past year has been rocky for us, but we have established many times that we want to put in the work to strengthen our relationship. However, said work is being delayed due to him being very stressed with work and having little to no time for himself or us. We’re planning to have a proper, logistical talk soon about how we can accommodate each other’s needs in the relationship and take concrete steps towards it. Many things in our relationship need fixing and the moment and we cannot know for sure it will be possible but we do have a good communication system going on with monthly relationship checkups.

This weekend I’m away with friends at a little cottage in the countryside, my boyfriend, who’s a professional drummer and percussionist, is out of town as well, working. He messaged me to let me know he needed to vent about something that happened at work. He was very distraught and stressed, jumping to the worst case scenario. I did my best to listen to him without invalidating his feelings, pointing out he was on a self-destructive train of thought and trying to offer my support with his search for damage control strategies (I know I cannot try and solve it for him, I was just reassuring him that he’s not so terrible and that I’m there for him always). We were on the phone for a bit over an hour, I was out in the chilly night and hung up when he had calmed down a bit, then went back inside where my friends were finishing dinner all together.

Now here’s the part I’m uneasy about, other than my partner being upset which obviously makes my heart hurt for him. At one point during the call he completely broke down crying, which shocked me, because he almost never cries a single tear. But he kept sobbing for a good 10 minutes, meanwhile I simply stayed on the phone, mostly in silence, but every couple of minutes I let him know I was still there and wished I could actually be there physically to give him a hug. In that moment and several times afterwards during the rest of the call he kept saying he felt alone/lonely (it’s the same word in our mother language). I reminded him I was there for him. To which he replied “You are biased”, “You don’t count”, “No one understands me” and no reply other several times, in that order. Then he said he wanted to call his parents to see if that would help (almost implying talking to me had not) and hung up.

I know my bf was clearly, clearly having a breakdown (tbh probably has been for a while…) and understanding that is my priority. I am trying my best to be supportive. I know he was stressed and shut down in a way. But I felt so unappreciated… like he doesn’t see how he has always had and continues to have my unconditional support always and takes it for granted. I don’t need him to know I was freezing outside the house for an hour, missing my friend’s conversations and laughs and eating my pizza cold afterwards to hear him vent because I would do it a million times over and it just comes natural to me as he’s one of my top priorities. But it made me feel like it’s all useless and like no matter whatever efforts I do for him, he won’t value me as much as he used to again.

I wonder if I should just let it go and try to reframe it as him just feeling pessimistic in general. I also understand your romantic partner cannot fulfill all of your needs and be your only support system and that he may very well be worried that his social circle is narrowing. On the contrary, I wish there was a way to let him now I felt unappreciated without adding to his burden and it sounding like criticism.

Thank you for reading to this point.

TL;DR: I had an hour long phone call with my bf so that he could vent about a work incident. I am currently on a weekend getaway with friends but didn’t mind at all to give him all the time he needed and offered him my unconditional support. He started crying and said he felt so alone and that I “don’t count”. I feel unappreciated. How can I let him know this without it sounding like criticism when he’s already breaking down?