Hello everyone!

Me and my gf have been togheter for 5 months now and honestly it's the best relationship I've ever been in. To add a bit of context, we know each other from college and I've always fancied her since we met, but nothing happened until february this year. We started dating for a month and a half and then got togheter. The first 2 months of the relationship were a bit rough because this is her 1st relationship and because of past trauma, she had a rather avoidant attachment. This was a bit tough for me because in my past relationships I was rather secure with some avoidant tendencies and my partner would be anxious, so now the tabled had turned and I was feeling anxious now.

With patience and communication, we managed to get past it and now we are thriving as a couple. We have lots of common interests, friends etc and we talk about the fact that we are healing each other's inner child. We always want to spend time togheter, go out and do all sorts of activities and we're really compassionate and loving.

For context reasons, I live in the city where we went to college and bought an apartment here, she's still in college and lives in the dorm, but this summer she also spent some time in her city, but we managed to see each other and have fun most of the summer.

The issue with me now is that I'm feeling a love I've never felt before and this in turn makes me anxious. Honestly in the past I was much more carefree with spending time with my partners or how I'd react to certain things, but this time I actually feel real love, which made me form a codependency with her. Everytime she had to leave for home this summer, I felt something breaking in me and I'd be sad for days on end. At first it wasn't that bad and it'd pass quickly, but with each time we'd see each other and then she'd leave for home, it'd get worse. It peaked this week, which is what made write this post, and it makes feel like I don't have the energy to do anything. While I'm at work it's ok, but after I get home it hits me like a truck. I try to focus on other things and hobbies, but we are doing so much stuff togheter when we're there, that now even that can help. Also it's starting to affect my work a bit as I feel out of it at the office. Last night I went out with the team and went clubbing but had no fun and all I could think of is her.

Another issue is that when we have a schedule and something unexpected arises that cuts our time short, it destroys my mood. For example, we were technically supposed to spend the last week of the month togheter before college starts, and something familly related popped up for her then which cut our time to only 3 weekdays. It killed me inside when I heard but I know I have to be reasonable since it's not something I control.

So now the question is, how do I escape from this grip I put myself in? Especially since it's the first time I feel like this and feel blinded. I don't want to overwhelm or scare her because of these issues I have and I know she also loves spending time with me and it saddens her as well when we're not togheter.

Tldr: relationship I'm in made me feel real love for the 1st time and now I'm scared not to screw up because of my forming codependency