Original: https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/s/Mda5UR5tU2

Original text as was deleted on the post:

Tw: noncosnent

I’ll try not to drag this on. Me and my husband have been together about 15 years. We have a good sex life but it was starting to get a bit stale so we had a talk on how to spice it up and settled on a couple of threesomes, one with another woman and one with another man. He said I pick the woman and he picks the man. Agreed.

He likes small petite woman (although I’m 5’8 and got big boobs) so I chose a small dainty woman who he instantly loved. We had a great time and even arranged for her to come back the following Saturday and I’d even arranged a surprise for this end of this month for him with her and TWO of her friends to join us so he’ll have four women to himself. This will become relevant.

Anyway on to the guy he chose for me. He knows I’m not in to bodybuilder types. He chose a 6’5 20 stone giant of a man who had muscles on top of muscles. We started and it was great fun. My husband finished first and said he was going to get a drink and go have a smoke so I said ok and me and this guy carried on. After about 20 minutes he finished and I realised my husband hadn’t come back. I went downstairs and his car was gone. The big guy followed me downstairs and asked where my husband was and I said I didn’t know. He grabbed me and said “that means we can go again” and started trying to kiss me. I said no the moments gone. He literally picked me up and carried me upstairs, i was like a rag doll to him. I said no again when we got to the top of the stairs and he was laughing and telling me how much I loved it and he knows I want more.

This carried on for about five minutes and I was scared. He was big and strong and I knew I couldn’t fight him off. He said my husband promised him a night of sex and he’d only had an hour so he wanted more. I said no and asked him to leave. He then said he’d leave but only if I performed a certain act first. I said no. This conversation went backwards and forwards for a few minutes and he started walking towards me and I got scared and agreed to something if we could do it downstairs and he left afterwards. He said yes.

Once he left I tried calling my husband but he wouldn’t answer me. I rang his friends and family but none of them answered. I sat up all night scared and eventually he came hole at 6am. I went off on him and told him what had happened and asked where he went. He said he got some post but clarity and left before he ruined anything. I said some choice words about him and how he left me alone with a man who could snap me like a twig and then I told him what the man made me do before he left and he just said “well you’d already done everything with him why not just do it again?” I saw red and stormed out myself.

Later on when I spoke to him he said why am I allowed to get insecure but he’s not. I asked when did I get insecure and he said the first time Sabrina came round I left for 20 minutes. I left to wash my hair and get some more drinks for us and even said “you two carry on I’ll be back soon” and then joined back in once I came back!! Plus like I said I’d done it again since and then told him what I’d arranged for the end of the month!

It’s been a week and he still doesn’t think he did anything wrong or left me in a dangerous position. I told him I want to ring the police and he said that’s stupid you can’t ring the police on a man when we specifically invited him round for sex. He thinks I’m overreacting I think I’m underreacting. I feel like I want to leave him and report this guy but I think I should give it some time to see if I calm down.

Tldr: had a threesome with another man, husband walked out and other man got forceful.

Update:

I still get messages from this now over a month later and I want to say I really appreciate the support I get, it means a lot knowing so many strangers care.

To answer a few questions from the original. Threesomes were his idea. I suggested BDSM to spice things up. We had quite a few mfm threesomes with his friends in the first couple of years which he never had a problem with or walked away from. After we had the two threesomes with Sabrina I told him if he didn’t want to have a mfm I was fine with that and was more than happy having regular ones with Sabrina. He said no he wants a mfm.

Another question I got was why was it ok to leave him alone with her but not for him to leave me alone with the man. I left him alone for ten minutes while I went to wash something out of my hair in our en suite bathroom with a woman who is 4’11. He drove away from our house and left me alone for 8 hours to fend for myself against a man who was 7 inches taller than me and I’d guess ten stone heavier than me.

Was he with Sabrina when he left me alone? No he wasn’t. He had no contact details for her

Did he plan to leave me alone and was it a setup? I have no evidence of this and it wasn’t even something I thought of before I made my last post but I honestly believe now it was a set up and he told the guy that I’d be up for a night of sex. Another thing that came to me a few days after my post as well was that the other guy said he had to be at work at 6am and would be tired on no sleep. That kind of confirms that he was planning on having no sleep due to a night of sex and my husband came back at 6am when he knew the guy would definitely be gone.

Have I been to the police? No. I can’t be arsed with the hassle.

Did we have the surprise mffff I’d arranged for him? Hell no lol.

On to the update. I left the day I made the post. It dawned on me I needed to. I actually went to Sabrina’s house for the night and got drunk with her as she’s the only person I could think of who he wouldn’t know how to contact her or find her. I booked an air bnb for the next week miles away and while there my friend who is a letting agent sorted out a flat for me that I could move in to pretty quickly. I transferred the deposit and first months rent over and when I was back signed the contract and moved in sleeping on an air bed and having nothing there for a few days but now it’s nice and cosy.

I left my husband a note saying I want a divorce and not to contact me. He hasn’t really apart from asking me essentials about the house. I have spoken to a lawyer but haven’t started anything yet as paying out for my flat has left me a bit poor but I will do in the next couple of weeks. I’ve seen him once drive past in the car while i was on the bus and I’ll be honest I didn’t feel anything. No love no anger no hatred just emptiness.

So that’s the update, nothing really salacious or interesting I’m afraid and I just want to thank everyone again for their support x

TLDR: I left him.