This is a weird one and I suppose I shouldn’t be complaining but me and my boyfriend are in a long distance relationship and are very loved up. Recently, we just enjoyed a couple of weeks together in my city and had the best time together. I’m really lucky that our distance is not huge and we had the luxury to spend weeks at a time together. This may change in the future. In the time we aren’t together in person, we FaceTime often, call, sext, send pictures etc and it’s very loving but we have our sexy times often too.

In person, we used to jump each other’s bones and one visit, we made sure to have intimacy everyday that he was here. When he returned, we went back to FaceTiming and sexting. And my drive is high so I’m almost always in the mood for it.

The most recent visit was quite different. We were still very very loved up but the sexual activities died down a loooot more. Which was a surprise to me as his drive matched mine. I realised my boyfriend wouldn’t initiate it as much and in the span of 3 weeks, we only did it twice. Outside of this, we are still so very affectionate. When we wake up, we wake up in each other’s arms, we kiss and cuddle for so many moments during the day. We are the softest and most loving when we are with each other. And I love it so much. I tried to initiate it more but he wasn’t really in the mood and would laugh it off and want to go back to being our cuddly selves.

I wouldn’t push further but I had a conversation with him where I told him that I was getting concerned since he wasn’t always like this. He explained that he has little desire to have sex because he’s so happy being all snuggly and cuddly. He says he feels like he’s on a cloud when we are together and high. The ‘sexual’ mood just isn’t there with him. When he IS in the mood, he likes it rough so being cuddly all the time, he doesn’t feel the urge to be that animalistic, rough self so therefore he doesn’t feel it. And his drive peaks at times and other times, he can go weeks without it. I’m definitely inexperienced (he’s my first ‘officially’) but this is the first time I had this kind of situation happen. However since this talk, he’s initiated giving me oral a few times which was amazing of course but when I went to reciprocate, he said he was good and just wanted to pleasure me.

As much as I loved having the focus on me, I want to also experience intimacy together again. I miss being able to do it together and focus on his pleasure too. What can I do to spice things up again or help him get back in the mood? Is there anything I might be doing wrong or not know about with men?

TL:DR My (27F) very loving boyfriend (26M) doesn’t feel the urge to have intimacy performed on him anymore since we are super affectionate and cuddly with each other. What can I do to bring this side back to our relationship?