Hi all, just as the title says I broke up with my gf this morning. While it’s a break up and not a break, she did say that she would wait for me, and I want to prove to her I can change but I really need some help.

For context, the reason we broke up is because I have issues with trust and insecurity. However, I am not generally insecure; it only happens when I am in relationships. Not all the time, but many times if she is going off and doing things, my anxiety would get the better of me. While I could fight it off for some time, it comes to a head. I end up accusing my partners of cheating, just as I did with my GF but there was no real basis for it, other than the fact she had a lot of things going on and wasn’t as available to hang out.

I realize this is so selfish, and it’s like there’s the logical, normal version of me that can rationalize things who is screaming “STOP!” at the other part of me that acts on that mistrust and anxiety, and more often than not it wins over. Of course I don’t expect anyone to put aside their life to be available to me. I know that’s not realistic. Yet I still behave this way.

I am very much need advice. Has anyone else had this problem? How did you overcome it/how do you fight it and not act on it?

Please help so I can change. I know I won’t be able to have healthy relationships and be a good partner to anyone if this keeps up. I am going to therapy soon, so that’s a start.

EDIT: thank you all for your responses. Many of you had very good advice, and some perspectives I really should have thought of. I will be going to therapy soon and working on this issue.