We dated for 6 months. 3 months in he made "jokes" about an open relationship and I caught him on dating apps. I felt like a placeholder. Especially since it said "looking for long-term" on them. He broke up with me recently saying it was just because he wants to be single.

A while back he drunk called me complaining that he was ugly and woman only wanted the top % of men. I said this hurt my feelings because I liked him. He then said I made it about myself and I call myself ugly a lot which makes him insecure. I replied that I was insecure HE found me ugly to which he said, " yeah but if you're ugly what does that say about me?".

Recently I asked him if my appearance is what made him downgrade our relationship. He said he just wants to be single and he still loves me just not enough to be exclusive. The next day I call him and he's drunk. I ask him the same question and he says he just wants to be single, and " you know that's not true, I think you're beautiful".

I asked if he thought he could do better than me and he said yes. I asked if he thought he was more attractive/out of my league and he said yes. He was being honest, not hurtful. I just got angry though and when he said he loved me again I I didn't say it back. He calls himself ugly/fat quite often so this made me think he thinks I'm pretty ugly. He sounded sad/ like he was trying to reassure me.

Part of me thinks I should forgive him for saying it and I shouldn't have asked. The other part of me thinks he always felt like he could do better than me the whole relationship. It doesn't help that he'd tell me I needed " self-love" the entire time I'd have low self esteem.