My girlfriend and I have been dating for 5.5 years. We have known each other for most of our lives, but had really rekindled our friendship junior year of high school, when I was dating someone else.

After that person and I broke up, things started to become romantic between my partner and I, and we decided to start dating towards the end of our last year in high school (hindsight 20-20, I didn't listen to the advice).

She then went to undergrad halfway across the country, while I stayed at a school in our home state. I was still an 8 hour drive from our home town, but it made visiting home easier for me.

Our freshman year of college was difficult for us both, as we were insecure and had no experience in long distance, but we were determined to make it work. We visited each other at almost every opportunity, and made time for each other to call or do virtual date nights. It was going well, but then she broke up with me for the first time, somewhat out of nowhere. She claimed that she was too busy with school and couldn't give me or our relationship the time it deserved. I was heartbroken, but didn't want to make it any harder on her, so we ended things cleanly.

That lasted about a month and a half. During that time she would drunk call me, we would snapchat, and I realized how much I appreciated having her in my life. The communication got stronger, and I think she felt the same. When we were both home on break afterwards, she told me that she made a mistake, and wanted to keep dating me. I was skeptically optimistic, so I agreed, and I don't regret it at all.

She later told me that before we had broken up she was sexually assaulted by one of her guy friends, and her life at school had become extremely complicated. The guilt she felt kept her from telling me at the time, and the combination of things in her life at the time led her to leave me. I could not have been more understanding when she told me, and I still do everything I can to help her through that experience, but her hiding it from me always left a bitter taste in my mouth.

And then the pandemic hit. She and some of her family members are severely immunocompromised, and the risk of COVID complicated my ability to see her at all. Even though we were both at home and only miles apart I saw her less than when we were long distance. Her family eventually agreed that if I isolated for multiple weeks, then I would be able to see her. I understood, but was disappointed with the idea, so I didn't isolate fully and was only able to hang out with her outside more than 10ft apart. I believe that was the only time I saw her that year. I was frustrated, but would never risk their safety, and understood their point of view entirely. That was until she went back to school in the fall (her college state had relaxed isolation protocol). I moved back to where I went to school for cheap housing and individuality, but still attended only online classes and followed the extremely strict isolation protocol that my college had. Her classes were hybrid, and she was regularly social with her friends there. I still wasn't allowed to see her until I had my vaccine (which was still not available at the time).

Through the rest of our sophomore year of school we kept in contact well, but not as well as before. We didn't see each other, and she was very busy with school. I was online and in isolation the whole year.

That next summer we saw each other more regularly, as we both had vaccines at that point, and things were getting better. We both had full time jobs, though, and her parents still kept a strong hold on her itinerary (something that had always confused me, since my parents were hands-off and supported my individuality). She still had curfews, and it was difficult to plan things with her sometimes.

In the fall I took the semester off of school to recover from isolation, switch schools, and explore other career interests. I lived with friends in another city in our home state and worked full time. She was back at school, and our communication dropped off somewhat severely, we stopped calling often, and neither of us knew what the other was up to a lot of times. I think we grew apart a lot then. Our love and care was the same, but we stopped trying as hard.

When I went to my new school with a new major, I grew incredibly busy. It was my first time back to in person classes and I was going out of my way to join clubs and be social. None of this process was appealing to her. In the summer, we went on trips together and grew a lot closer again. I ended the summer with a study abroad trip and she went back to school. Things fell off hard during that time. The time difference caused minimal communication, and she was very untrustworthy of what I was doing during my time abroad (I was wholeheartedly faithful, but did not communicate nearly as much as I could have). She started requiring me to tell her everything I did, where I went, and who I was with before it happened, and my reluctance to be in a relationship with so little trust left her trusting me even less.

She graduated early and started working full time. Contrastingly, I had to do an extra year because of the switch in major. We started to argue regularly, and it started feeling like neither of us were as happy as we wanted anymore. She would go days or weeks not talking to me, and would either threaten or follow through on breaking up with me only to text me later like nothing happened. My friends were noticing something was off, and I talked with them. They communicated their discomfort with the situation and were not shy to express where they stood, but kept thinking of how much I love her.

Finally she surprised me with the amazing news that she got into grad school where I was going to undergrad, and I regained all hope. Both of us being independent and close to each other was going to fix everything. Then it didn't. She was incredibly busy, and concerned with every move I made on top of that. I was busy with school too, and trying to delegate my free time to friends that I would never see again and her, as well as occasionally mixing the two. She wasn't satisfied with this situation either.

I later graduated, moved to the same city full time with some friends, and got a full time job. She is still in grad school near me. Things aren't better. We don't see eye to eye on a lot, and I don't know if we can get over the distrust, resentment, and history of our relationship, but I want to more than anything. We fight and break up and we both know how terrible it is, but we love each other and want things to work out in the end, which makes it so hard to leave. We enjoy each other's families, and have good relationships with each other's friends. We enjoy a lot of the same things and the best times of my life have been with her. This post is long but there's no way to communicate the way I care about her. I'm just looking for advice from anyone more experienced (without a bias in either direction) to hear from.

We are both honestly confused on how to continue, and I thought I'd seek advice from here. She definitely wouldn't approve of asking for advice like this, but I value all perspectives and relevant experiences.