We met in the end of April of this year. We went on one date where I spontaneously asked him if he wanted to go to this festival with me. It was a nice date. Only meetup that didn’t result in sex/cuddles. Our meets up before and after have always just been in his room and cuddling and hooking up. We went grocery shopping twice and a pride parade where we ended those days at his house doing the same - cuddling, talking a bit, hooking up.

He took an internship the 2nd week of June until the very end of August, where I did not see him for 2 1/2 months. Basically, between the time he left and came back (a few days ago) we have been texting everyday and about 2 movie zoom nights (which I initiated both)

We met up 2 days after he came back, and we pretty much was in his room and we cuddles and hooked up, talked and he painted my nails (because I asked him if we could do that once we meet). He mentions where would I like to go on a date, because during the time we were texting everyday in the summer, I mentioned that I’d like to go on dates with him. We have a sip and paint night planned for this Saturday which will actually be our first, planned date together.

But now, my heart is not in it. Maybe it is because all he did was ask what I wanted to do in which I suggested to go to a garden and he elaborated and said let’s paint too and let’s get tacos afterwards. I then suggested what kind of painting we should do, that we should also have sips, that I’ll get the materials, and I suggested I’ll make a playlist too where he can add his music and mines together (which I did for 2 hours). I already bought materials and I may have went a bit overboard and bought a cute little canvas stands for our mini paintings, etc. When I suggested sips on our paint night, he just said ok and didn’t even suggest that he’ll buy the drinks. I didn’t think too much of it then thought i will just do it. I even thought of bringing snacks and all I asked him to do was to bring blankie and the brushes and paint (he occasionally paints already).

I don’t know. Maybe it’s because I am the one initiating everything that it seems like I’m now seeing the low efforts in him. I plan to abruptly just cancel and use the painting materials to just paint again like I used to when I was in highschool. The thing is, is that he mentions he has never dated anyone before and that he is not experienced with these things. I don’t know, I feel like if he wanted to, he would. He’s also having a hard time transitioning back here after being away in the summer where he was closer to his older sister and a safer city. He’s also having trouble feeling safe in the neighborhood he leased in here. He’s also having problems with his friends. He is not from here, US. So, I feel he is just having a lot on his mind (grad student as well). I’ve made an effort to support him during his stress by sending him a tiramisu to his workplace when he lost all of his code, and msging ppl and posting to find him someone to sublease his room so that he can find a safer place. Occasionally also reassuring him of who he is and his accomplishments and what I like about him and noticed - words of affirmation. Just those little things to tell him that I see you and I want to help you. Maybe those things are not his love languages… he is a consistent texter, occasionally tells me that he is happy that he has met me, makes sure I go home safe, not selfish in bed at all, tells me he’ll cook for me which he did once, attentive to my emotions. I feel like I’m now seeing the disconnect between his way of expressing and mines…maybe also seeing how the only real effort he put in so far is in making sure to text me everyday. But I also don’t know if I’m just always trying to empathize with people and making excuses for obvious, not okay behavior.

Thoughts? Please give me constructive and honest advice about the situation and/or what I should do.