I’m 40 and been with my husband (42) since I was 18. Within a few weeks of getting together he told me about his desire for me to be with other men. He didn’t want to watch or anything, although he has done sometimes, he prefers to hear about it while we have sex after and he loves the build up like watching me take photos for these men and then eventually watching me getting all dressed up and going to meet them.

My friend Jessica has known all this from pretty much the start. We’ve been friends since we were 12 and has even come and played with me a few times with men I’ve met before she met her awful husband, Mike. She met him around 15 years ago and the first thing my husband said when he found out who she was seeing was “he’s a little turd” as they went to the same boxing gym but he was eventually asked to leave for being a bully and a sore loser.

Early on in their relationship Jessica told him about me and my husband and he would make disparaging remarks about us to mutual friends and even a couple to me about my husband, he found it funny for some reason that my husband likes to bake and would call him a “fairy”, not to my husbands face though, to his face he was a constant arse licker. I told Jessica I don’t like him and said i only want to see her when he’s not with her. After that I’d only really see him at events and parties and that was fine with me.

Fast forward to about a month ago and Jessica asked if we could talk. I went to meet her and she said Mike had been asking her to “be with other men like Franki” but he wanted to be there and watch. This was a complete shock as he had been nothing but jealous and possessive of her making her delete all her socials, change the way she dresses and I’ve seen him a few times get in to altercations with other men who he thought were chatting up Jessica or if she was being friendly with them including her own cousin. I strongly advised her against this saying that over the years I’ve seen this lifestyle fail a hell of a lot more than I’ve seen it succeed and Mike is definitely not the best person for this if he can’t even handle men looking at her fully dressed on a phone screen, he’s short tempered and doesn’t have the skills to handle this well if the reality doesn’t live up to the fantasy which for nearly all men I’ve seen try this lifestyle it doesn’t. She said he’s changed and all that was projection to suppress his desires. I said I don’t believe that but they are adults and can try it but I recommend they do what me and my husband did to start with and she plays on webcam for people while he watches from the other side of the room to see if he can deal with other men seeing her naked and her being flirty and dirty with other men without it being physical if he can’t.

Well, she ignored all my advice and a few days ago. They tried it. Needless to say it wasn’t a success and before she was even undressed Mike and the other guy were fighting with Mike losing pretty badly and ending the night in hospital with a broken jaw.

Jessica instantly blamed me. Mike wants to leave her now and it’s all my fault. She says that me and my husband pointed a false picture of the lifestyle, I was lying when I said my husband had never got upset or jealous and most annoyingly she said I never told her about the dangers! First of all my husband hasn’t ever got mad or jealous because that’s the person he is which is why he can handle this lifestyle! Just last night he took a photo for me to send someone and he even said then it still excites him now like it did the first time. And, I told her not to! I have messages of me telling her I don’t think it’s a good idea and Mike won’t be able to handle it. I sent her links to camsites she could try with him, of the swinging site I use which has a chatroom with camera option, I sent her links to books and forums that they should read together. She still blames me and says I ruined her marriage.

Im angry and devastated. My husband told me to give her time and she’s just lashing out. I’m a lot less forgiving than my wonderful husband though and I’m not even sure I want to stay friends with someone who at 40 years old can’t take responsibility for her own actions and will tell anyone who listens that it’s my fault for not properly informing her of the “dangers of my lifestyle”.

Do I forgive and wait? Do I reach out and try and repair? Do I leave her to it and cut her out my life? She’s been a good friend and we’ve never really fell out before which makes this even harder to deal with.

TLDR: I’ve been a hotwife for years. My friend tried it despite me telling her not to. It went wrong and she blames me.