My bf (30M) and I (25F) have had a very intense and spontaneous sex life, when we started dating and for years we would have sex wherever and whenever. Especially in public (at night in safe locations with no one around). He’s my FIRST and ONLY partner I’ve had that I’ve had an orgasm with…I’ve had sex with dozens of men before he and I met and even when we tried a couple threesomes and foursomes but I only cum with him. He’s understanding that I cum sorry with and with toys and my hand so he’s bought me toys to help and works well with my body.

I’ve noticed that he isn’t really isn’t initiating anymore. When we have sex, he asks me if I have my toy and if I forget to change them (I have ADHD and forget to do that a lot) he will stop what we’re doing and suggest we wait for the toys to change since I cum with them. I tell him that it’s okay and I want him to enjoy himself but he tells me “I don’t feel much pleasure if my partner isn’t in pleasure time…if I cum but you don’t it feels selfish on my part”.

One of his favorite kinks was night time public play that’s spontaneous. He doesn’t bother anymore and when I ask why he hasn’t wanted to do that anymore when we were at the beach at night with no one around and it’s a secluded area only we know about he said “eh, there’s no point. Your toys are at home and I don’t see the point in doing something sexual if you won’t enjoy yourself with me”. He told him we can still do it but I’ll need to use my hand and his answer was “nah, your hands are dirty rn and the last time you did that you got a yeast infection and there’s no bathroom to wash our hands rn” and we kept strolling…I felt a little bad

Granted, I know a small bit of this is my fault bc I will speak without thinking. He’s bought me insertion toys and I’ve said “I can’t cum with anything inside me alone anyways so why waste the money”

I’ve noticed his interests shifted a bit as well. Last week we went to a swingers party and a couple was having sex next to the pool and the woman came with her partner without any toys (they enjoyed being watch) I walked up behind my boyfriend (he didn’t know I was behind him) and I heard him say to himself in a low voice “luck guy…I wish mine could do that”(he did NOT say it loudly, it was low and I only heard if bc I was right behind him and he thought I was in the bathroom) but I felt awful

The other day, he asked me to google something on his phone while he was driving and I saw that he was googling porn that says “penetrative orgasm with no toys”. I asked what that was about and he said “it’s just a little fantasy I’ve been enjoying when I shower”

What’s the best way to handle and fix this? Lately when we do have sex it’s once a week, when I ask for it and usually after I cum (with my toys) he gives me amazing aftercare and cuddles but then will finish in the shower. I think my dependency on toys is turning him off …I miss when he used to initiate outside but he keeps saying there’s no point if I can’t cum too

We still have sex. He’s amazing in bed. He just isnt initiating anymore and he used to ALWAYS want to.

Whenever I ask him for it, he always is down and doesn’t say no. He just isn’t the one asking lately anymore