Okay this feels like a stupid question but I need some input.

I’ve been in a relationship with my long distance gf for over 3 months.

Even through this confusion I need to mention 1 thing that won’t change through out this: I adore and respect my gf.

They have their flaws and so do I but this is more about trying to get advice on how to be more of a safe space to them so they can say what they mean, then hating on the way they handled communication. So please be respectful to that in the comments.

Okay now on to the problem. I think my gf wants to match how chill I am with communicating and especially jealously.

For context, Me and my gf had a conversation about jealously a few weeks before I met their friends. My gf brought up how they sometimes play flirt and have a ‘this is my wife’ dynamic with one of their friends. I asked for some screenshots to get a clearer picture and to see if I would get hurt by this, and I wasn’t (It wasn’t explicit at all and after I met the ‘wife’, Addie (18F) she called me wife too and I called her my Ring Pop Wife, we now are good friends LOL. Plus Addie has a bf and it felt like more of playing house then actually drooling over my gf so I didn’t feel jealous).

So after seeing the screenshots I told my GF that although I don’t really mind the playful banter however that flirting should never go into very explicit details about them, make them uncomfortable, or come in between our relationship because if it did or my GF developed feelings, I’d leave (I like watching reality tv shows not starring in them, I put a lot of effort into my relationship and making sure my GF knows they are adored by me but if they ever cheated on me I’d go dry no matter how long and pack up to leave, it’s just how I think).

My GF agreed to this and laughed about how easy that was and I was like “Absolutely I trust you plus I snagged the Gf title first so why would I be jealous?” That was it until after I met Addie and the rest of their friends (Super sweet, super fun, and most of them reached out to me to become friends, which I asked my Gf first if that was okay and they agreed).

However, I’ve noticed my GF mention more and more about how much of a ‘Jealous person’ they are. At first I laughed it off and tried to ask what triggered that jealousy to write in my notes (I have notes about them to understand them better and remember since I have a terrible memory, they’ve seen it before and thought it was cute. It has food likes to allergies to present ideas to wants for our future blah blah blah).

That aside tho, They refused explain how they could get jealous no matter how I asked them. And no I didn’t word it like I was looking down on them getting jealous over stuff. I just am very slow to things like telling how they feel since I rely on facial expressions and body language not text tones and figuring out if they’re playing Roblox or actually want to talk to me about something.

I never will or am going to ask them to match how I feel about things because I feel like that’s stupid and very controlling. Yes the main things we’ve disagreed on are foods but in the future I know that’ll change and I’m prepared for that- but I don’t think my GF is. I told them I’d love through jealousy and I’d love them through when they’re not. And they know that I would’ve had a picture of them in my wallet if they weren’t paranoid of being shown off like that. I adore them to the point of being obsessed with providing anything to make their dreams come true-

I just want them to not be jealous of the fact they don’t view me in that same light. I love differently than them, that’s okay! I have different boundaries then them and have a different life then them- but does that make me feel bad about myself or jealous? No. Does that mean that my gf cannot be jealous? No. We just have different views.

Maybe I just hate being compared to other people or maybe I’m just not noticing something- My GF knows I get protective rather than possessive and that only gets bad if/when they are uncomfortable by something. But if they think I can’t handle/will dislike their claws of jealousy or being possessiveness- which I find cute asf unless they get to a point of trying to isolate me from people.

Sigh, how do I tell my GF that jealously is okay, I need communication, and if they have claws they feel might hurt me, how do I tell them that I like my back being scratched 🤷‍♀️.

Thank you for your time!! I hope everyone has a awesome day.