I don't know what to do anymore. I (f 37) and my bf (m 37) met when I was in a polyamorous relationship. He was not my primary partner. The when my primary partner and I broke up he asked to step up. I said no but he wore me down. He then started to push me towards monogamy. I said no, but, I grew tired of his jealous fits so I gave in. Now it's just been us for a while and I have been fighting tooth and nail not to cheat. But, I'm not proud to admit it, it has happened. I've attempted to break up with him several times, but, he won't go. He just appears the next day like nothing has happened. He wears me down.

I know saying it all out front like this it sounds bad. But it's happened over the past 5 years. Most of the time we're happy and get along great. But days like today, I'm so defeated.

I've tried to initiate sex for weeks now. And I'm getting nothing. Yet, he "claims" he's tried and I have denied him. I work from home, so the last time he tried, yes I turned him down, but it's bc I was IN THE MIDDLE OF WORKING. Even when i do get it. It's over in 5 mins and I have to self satisfy.

I just feel broken and lost and at a loss of what to do. Anyone have thoughts on this? Should I just give up and break up with him and throw him out?