Hey everyone,

I could really use some advice on a situation I’m dealing with in my relationship. My girlfriend comes from a very loving but also very controlling family. Her parents are deeply involved in every aspect of her life, to the point where she doesn’t make any decisions without their input. Early in our relationship, she even had to lie about seeing me because her father disapproved. Her father pays for nearly everything, and if he doesn’t like something in her life, he threatens to cut her off financially.

For example, I recently booked a trip for us to go to Vegas, and she had to tell her parents it was a girls’ trip to avoid conflict. While her parents have instilled some great values in her, they’ve also set certain standards that she finds hard to move away from.

Recently, we got into an argument about splitting bills 50-50. I explained to her that while my ultimate goal is to be in a position where I can financially provide for everything, I’m not there yet. I have a bachelor’s degree and a master’s, but I’m still working on getting to that point in my career. For now, I believe in working together as a team to navigate any financial struggles.

However, she firmly believes that splitting bills 50-50 isn’t something she’s willing to do because her parents didn’t raise her that way. She mentioned that she wouldn’t consider getting married under those circumstances and doesn’t want to be in a long-term boyfriend-girlfriend situation for the next 4-5 years.

She currently makes more money than I do, and we do share household duties equally. What I’m really looking for is a partner who understands that relationships sometimes require both partners to work together during tough times to achieve a shared goal. I want to eventually be able to provide everything she needs, but her parents’ influence and standards seem to be a major barrier.

For some context, my father has always made things work in his marriage. There were times when he wasn’t the breadwinner, but through their collaboration, my parents have built a strong partnership over 25 years, which eventually helped him become the primary provider. That’s the kind of partnership I’m hoping to build with my girlfriend, but I’m not sure how to approach this situation given her perspective.

I’m struggling with how to move forward in this relationship. I love her, but I’m worried that we might never get on the same page because of these deeply ingrained parental expectations. Has anyone dealt with a similar situation? How did you handle it, and what advice would you give me?