I am an electrical superintendent. I was working for a company as part of their travel crew when our company sold. They began laying off employees and my whole crew was part of it. Taking my work truck from me it left my wife and I with what money we had in the bank, a turd of a car and no place permanent we called home.

We are from Texas. We are in New Jersey. Our marriage has been a roller coaster of super highs and horrible lows for the 5 years we’ve been married. She’s cheated more than once and I’ve left her each time, but every time I’ve answered her call and hoped that this time she would make good on her promise that it would be different.

We ran out of money after a month and have been staying in her car with our dog and our belongings. Tensions were high of course. Neither of us have family to speak of left and we didn’t know what to do. I had started working again, but for way less money and wouldn’t get a check for two weeks. Her car won’t make a trip to Texas in its current condition.

A few days ago my wife lost her phone. She’s been using mine to contact her people as we looked for help to get hotel and money to get back to Texas. She forgot to log out of her messenger and i opened it to check mine and found that she was talking to the man she cheated on me with last time. She loved him wished she was with him and that as soon as i got her back to Texas they could be together again, etc. etc.

I confronted her and the outcome was her taking everything, but a couple articles of my clothing and leaving me stranded with no money or hotel room. She went to stay with a girl she’d met here.

I reached out to a friend and he put me up in a hotel room and told me to come back to Texas and offered me a place to stay and a job. Said he would buy me a bus ticket. Yesterday I spoke to my wife and told her if she wanted my help to get home it was now or never. I was leaving today. Her response was fuck off. Today she brought me my clothes and was cordial. Even offered to take me to the bus station.

During that 15 minute drive she became extremely hostile and called me everything under the sun. I was a piece of shit for leaving her. Said I should have manned up and told her how it was gonna be and I was going back with her. I tried to stay to help again and she told me to get the fuck out of her car. Multiple times.

Here I sit at the bus station 2 hours from leaving. I have a knot in my stomach and a feeling of guilt that I can’t shake.

She makes up this narrative and it’s almost like she actually believes it. She manipulates me even when I know she’s doing it. It drives me nuts. I love her and she’s used that for 5 years. She paints me out to be this controlling piece of shit that’s fake. Then she plays the victim. Blaming everything she does on some way I treat her.

All I’ve ever done is try to make it work and love her no matter what she’s done. She had me living in a tent homeless and she would text me needing something and I would provide. Many times while she was laying next to another man.

But then I tell myself she’s sick and it’s not her fault. She can’t help it. And I piss off good thing after good thing for it to happen again and again. Miserable, ready to blow my brains out.

My ticket isn’t refundable and I have just the little money my buddy sent me for snacks on the 41 hour bus ride to Texas. If I stayed I’d be on the street broke.

Still, right now I’ve never felt this guilty about anything I’ve ever done. To leave her out here homeless. I don’t know what to do and it’s eating me alive and hurts my heart.