This one is crazy and I will try to be as objective as possible.

I’ve been friends with a girl Hannah for 20 years. We met when we were six years old in first grade and lived down the street from each other. When my parents passed away I lived in her home through the end of high school and then briefly before I bought my home at 19 years old. She was like a sister to me, I was super close with her family, she was my absolute ride-or-die.

In high school I came out as gay, and Hannah was my #1 ally. I felt so eternally safe with her — she was my BEST friend in the entire world.

Over the years, particularly the last 5 years, we’ve been doing our own thing. I’ve been in a few relationships, as has she. Hannah is now engaged to a man I truly adore, he’s the ideal husband. Our age, owns a home, has a stable job, drives a beige Cadillac. He’s perfect. I wanted nothing more than for my best friend to marry the love of her life.

Hannah worked at a wine bar for a few years and made friends with her two female co-workers Janette (F28) and Lana (F24). Me and these three women had become nearly inseparable. I was their little gay best friend, they’re all in various relationships, etc. We all became super close, the “four girls” blah blah blah.

Janette had dumped her boyfriend and was staying at my house for a week while her ex moved his things out of her apartment and went away. She felt safe at my home and we became very close as friends. I’ve always questioned my sexuality a little bit and really noticed I had serious romantic and sexual feelings for Janette — I thought it would be insane and rude to make a move on her immediately after she became single and was staying at my house as a place of refuge from her ex.

Backstory of her relationship basically was she was in a 4 year relationship with an absolute loser. He was completely unable to fulfill any need/life goal Janette had, wouldn’t compromise for anything, wouldn’t travel, wouldn’t get a passport to even gesture. He was a bona-fide loser. We all felt terrible about her breakup but it had to happen. She was so unhappy.

Right after she stayed at my home and her ex got hi stuff and scrammed, I offered all of “us girls” to stay at my summer home in the mountains for a week. I had the week off, so Lana asked if I would be willing to spend half of the week on vacation and then half of the week doing a road trip with her to NYC where she decided to move. I agreed, we hammered all logistics and I was set.

I was up at my summer house and Janette made it up right after me. The other two girls (Hannah and Lana) canceled. Janette and I just coming off of spending a week together and now being alone, decided we’d take our platonic relationship to the next level. She suggested snuggling in bed (among other very clear signals) after dinner and I kissed her. We ended up having sex, and then spent the weekend eating at the nicest restaurants in town and making love. This is the first woman I’ve ever been with. I actually decided I may be straight — all desire for men is completely gone. I fell in love with her completely.

Now, I did betray Janette’s trust and (out of excitement) tell my best friend Hannah Janette and I have started a romantic relationship. I realize I should not have done this, but Hannah truly was a confidant. She was my sister. I had to. She seemed a little perturbed by this but said if we both have communicated and it’s not unhealthy, we should go for it.

Janette and I come down from the mountains. I was having lunch with Lana the day before we left. Because I wanted to inflate my ego a little bit, and I was about head on a road trip with her, I decided to tell Lana (because I agreed to keep me and Jannette a secret) that I had “been having heterosexual feelings/desires.” This was completely in bad faith to plant a seed of potential romance with Lana also on our road trip. (I know, horrible idea.):

Lana said “you know, I’ve really never seen you in that way.” Flirting, I said “Are you fibbing?” I’m a handsome guy, I thought she was being a little aloof. This absolutely freaked her out. When we got back to my place from lunch, she was VERY direct in saying it was horrific of me to put her in a position where I had more power, or something like that.

I very clearly articulated how it was completely out of line, I was so sorry and it would never happen again. Lana and I very clearly communicated like adults and agreed I made a stupid ass flirt with her and made her uncomfortable. I said we will just go back to how we were, platonic, no pressure no weird stuff and road trip will be no issue at all.

We leave the next day. We are driving 7 hours and stopping to stay the night with my aunt and then leaving to the next stop. My aunt has a spare room for me and Lana to share, and of course it’s a queen bed that I had no problem platonically sharing. I didn’t think anything of it because Lana and I had very clearly agreed we were not anything more than FRIENDS.

I was spending time with my family, Lana was acting really strange and insisted on staying in the guest room the entire evening. I would periodically check on her, we got her some dinner, etc.

It’s around 11pm, I was up in the living room with my aunt and family and we thought we heard the front door opens and shut. We were like “huh, maybe her son coming home?”

Ten minutes later we get a loud knock on the door. It’s the police. We all were very surprised, and Lana’s car was gone. I assumed her car had been stolen and that was the reason the police showed up. The police ask “Do you know Lana Banana?” I said “Yeah, we’re driving her car and u-haul to NYC!” We were all very confused at this point and mind you my aunt, her husband and son are all outside on the front stoop with me.

The police informed me Lana called the police because she felt unsafe around me. I asked what was the reason. The police said she may have some sort of past sexual abuse. Police then asked if she has mental issues. I was honest and said she’s an unmedicated OCD. They then kind of backed off and said “Okay. She’s going to a hotel, get all of your property out of her car and you two will part ways.” She came back in her car, I got my things out and she left.

I immediately text Hannah, my best friend and ask “So you told Lana that I’m involved with Janette?” Hannah then replied that my behavior was horrific, making Lana feel unsafe and trying to romance two girls in the same friend group. I REALLY went off in our group chat. There was some other lingering drama I learned about — Lana told me while driving there she hates Hanna’s fiancé and wants to break up their engagement. This disgusted me and once I was back and she was across the country, I was going to blow this shit wide open.

I felt extremely betrayed by my best friend and calling the police to my family home was completely uncalled for and actually crazy. I hate throwing the word around but me and my family were flabbergasted. I explained this whole thing to my aunt and the first thing my aunt asked is “Why the hell would she get in a car with you in the first place if she felt so unsafe?” If there were actual potential of me sexually assaulting/battering/raping Lana, I’d see my best friend’s choice to tell her I had sex with Janette.

I was made out to be a creepy, rapey type of man — I was completely crushed, I cried all night and next day. I sent Janette a big ass, heartfelt apology because in this whole situation, she’s an innocent casualty and I’m gutted that she will not talk to me now when I literally could’ve had the whole world if I just fucking didn’t tell Hannah.

My therapist agreed with me. Hannah was like my sister and should not have been involved in me and Lana. I’m sure they were just chatting about the trip, Lana tells Hannah how I flirted with her and it freaked Lana out so Hanna felt it within her “duty” to hype up an OCD and tell her I was actually straight and confirm she WASN’T safe. This shows my best friend did not trust me or my character or maybe thought my sexual discovery was dangerous? This is all assumed from context of our last conversation.

I blocked both Hannah and Lana on everything. I was so hurt I decided I need to be completely no contact with them. I could’ve been thrown in jail for Christ’s sake! The one thing that completely kills me to this day is that I am still madly in love with Janette. I want to mend things with her. She never even responded to this clear and depressing apology.

I did show my whole ass, called Lana a ton of nasty names regarding her appearance (she’s really not that attractive) and did tell Lana to commit suicide because we talked about her prior issues with that on the trip. I was just FURIOUS and going absolutely nuclear after the police and she left. I will never speak to Lana again. She’s a psycho. I will probably never speak to Hannah again because she was the contributor and completely fucked me over without a real reason.

I want to do something nice for Janette and leave a card on her front door while she’s not there, or maybe send a hand written letter asking her to give me one more chance. She’s all I care about in the world and the rest is just noise as far as I’m concerned.

It’s been about three weeks. Should I wait longer? Should I just let it go? I was prepared to just cut ties with those three girls, all of their friends, all mutual friends and just make new friends and find a girlfriend in the wild. This proves to be a very tough. Janette is normal, down to earth and I think could see reason to date me but of course is probably still friends with those two snakes. Would this always ruin our relationship? Should I just give up on her and me?

TLDR; me (a formerly gay man) and three girls in a friend group. I slept with one girl, best friend in group tells another girl in the group I was on a road trip with. Road trip girl got so freaked out and felt so unsafe (sharing a bedroom on the trip) she left in a panic and called the police on me (but nothing bad or illegal happened.) My best friend stabbed me in the back and caused me to lose all of these relationships. Should I try to mend things with the girl I slept with? I love her and she’s innocent in the whole thing.