This is gonna be a long text but I‘ll try to shorten it as good as possible. I (27f) met my boyfriend (22m) at a concert of mutal friends. Please don’t come for me for our age diffrence. I know we both at different stages of our lives but my question isnt about the age. We been together for 2,5 years now.

In the first 2 weeks of us being in a relationship we both went out to a club and both got pretty drunk. He had his friends with him, I had mine. The night started good but after some hours he got pretty wasted. At some point he was gone and the next day I found him again and also found out he kissed a girl in the same club in a different room. Of course I got angry but he promised to stopped drinking forever (because he blamed it on the booze)

I had to let that go for the sake of our relationship. After that me, my best friend (25f) took some X together. (the three of us used to hang out alot and they also got along very well) i saw the energy between them before already but didnt think much of it because I might not trust him that moment but I did trust her 100%. That night i went bad on the x, and it ended with them having sex with me sitting in the same bed feeling terrible, crying and casually standing up leaving the room to throw up. This didnruin the friendship and the relationship for a while since he also proceeded to tell me the following day that he was in love with her and went to bring her lunch to work.

please don’t forget that he could also be incredibly sweet and considerate to me but i wont type all that.

After forgiving that as well, he cheated one more time. There was a snapchat girl he was going to meet up with and sleep at her place but I found out before he went so he canceled.

Now 2,5 years further I don’t know about any physical cheating anymore, but he does still watch porn and sex websites. I also had a conversation multiple times with him about this really really hurting mr he keeps doing it. And if it was just some porn websites i could handle because I also used to…

the reason i am posting this is because yesterday I saw in his phone (we both have each others codes and are allowed to use it anytime) I saw he downloaded reddit and deleted it again. Then i saw his account was deleted, which leads to me finding out he back to watching these girls while i sleep on his chest.

I have my past (before i ever met him) that i tried to make money with selling pictures online but never went through with it because it made me feel very uncomfortable. I told him that in the beginning of our relationship. Now everytime we fight about his cheating or reddit he just says „well look what you do with selling yourself“ and stuff like that.

He also had a very hard childhood snd family situation from what he told me. But when I once spoke to his sister I hesrd very different stories. And last words, please don’t come for me for some decisions I made. I know I made a lot of really stupid and naive decisions forgiving some things. But I also went through years of abuse, lost a daughter, got hit and cheated on constantly in my life. I see good in him and see he doesn’t want to hurt me but doesn’t know any better.

Alot more happened but writing this all makes me shake and I think I just need to know what to do and how to stop being so dependent. I also have BPD so that makes leaving incredibly hard. Sorry for thröe long text.