Me and my girlfriend have been together for almost two years I’m 19 she’s 22 now she’s the best thing that has ever happened to me but I’m such a loser and I don’t know how to repay her let me explain,

So i currently have no job but she does which is how she gets the money to buy me stuff like video games clothes food etc I live in a sort of foster care system where I depend on the government for housing and stuff to survive I have pretty bad depression and anger issues from stuff that has happened to me in the past she knows this and is always there to help me but the thing is when I get mad for example if we get into an argument or something sometimes I say pretty hurtful stuff to her, now this by NO means is an excuse for what I’ve said but long story short before I was in foster care I lived with my aunt and uncle and when I came I was full of issues and shit because of the mental and physical abuse I had to deal with from my mom and step dad which was hard for my mainly my aunt to deal with as it was usually just her home because my uncle is a truck driver and spends time away so when we got into arguments she would swear and say a lot of hurtful things to me and because of dealing with that for 6 years straight I think dealing with the verbal abuse almost 24/7 has made me have a lot of bottled up anger from that and my past, which I then take out on her and for example I would call her dumb and fat and all this stuff and In the moment when I’m made I can’t think straight I breathe very heavily and feel dizzy but after I calm down I feel absolutely fucking horrible and wish I could take everything back and take all the pain and emotional pain I caused her and put it all on me, this girl means the fucking world to me guys and I love her so much Yes I am a piece of shit 100% and I don’t deserve her at all but she still stays with me and helps me and everything because she tells me deep down she knows I’m a good person and a lovely guy which when I’m not mad I am but this shit eats me up inside everyday to the point where I tried to kill myself and still she was there for me, cut back now and besides my anger we’re happy together and have plans to have a future together but I cannot live with myself if I keep hurting this girl she doesn’t deserve it she’s the nicest most kind caring person you could ever meet deep down I’m an insecure fat loser who doesn’t understand how she loves me but I’m thankful she does I wanna be the man she knows I can be and I want to be better and fix my anger issues so I stop lashing out on the people I love because other then her and my aunt and uncle I have no one, if you were to ask me what I think about myself I think I’m someone got very fucking lucky with a second chance being her and I don’t wanna lose it she means the fucking world to me and I would die for her I know it’s only been two years guys but you gotta trust me she’s amazing and I know she would make the perfect wife, please be straight up and honest say it how it is because I need to her it and I hope you guys can help me obviously only I can truly change myself but the advice would help, thanks so much