Idk how many times posting about this man is gonna help but I want to vent. I feel like he’s brought out an insane side in me. He was my first time even tho I didn’t know him very well before, we sort of agreed on a fwb/ fuck buddy situation. Ik we’re not in a relationship so he doesn’t owe me anything, but he would reach out to me asking me a question just to leave my answer on read. The few times i’ve reached out he hasn’t done that??? We had sex twice, 2 months apart and it was mainly about his pleasure even tho he was sweet and gave me lots of cuddles before. His attitude in person and over messages is so different it’s confusing. He knows he’s my first. He’s been out of the country for almost 7 weeks on deployment and left me on read after he asked me to come see him and i suggested a date(that turned out to be after he was leaving). I honestly think he’s forgotten about me and it’s fucking with my self esteem. I keep thinking about how i’ll react if he messages me when he gets back next month, even tho i’m not sure that message will come at all. I’m constantly checking his follow count and it sounds insane but i’d write the number of his following in my notes app just so I can keep track. What for i rlly don’t know. I feel like i’m in a rlly impulsive state and I got a couple piercings and a tattoo that covers my entire upper arm. I like it but I feel like i’m going insane and trying to find anything for a distraction. Ik it’s best to block him but I rlly can’t bring myself to do it. Idk I feel like i’m going to start making worse decisions as time goes on.