I'm 34F not sure what to do anymore. For context my partner 33M and I used to have a very difficult relationship. We broke up, and when we got back together we fell into some of the same patterns of arguing/heightened emotions/anger.

Over the past 6 months things have gotten significantly better. We don't fight honestly much at all (maybe twice in the past 6 months we've had something bigger than a hard discussion).

What we do have frequently (maybe once a fortnight) are harder, calm discussions where we come up against something that one of us would prefer to happen differently.

For example, for me it's important to end the night when we're apart with a goodnight message but he's not much of a texter in general compared to me. He's very focused on his work, his hobbies, etc and I love that focus he has. We came to an agreement after a discussion one evening about how that will work for both of us.

Notably, when we come to these agreements the issue doesn't come up again and neither of us feel lingering resentment or as though the issue is actually continuing.

Now, I want some clarity on commitment to trying to build a future together. Not a specific timeline, but just an acknowledgement that that's what he's sure he wants to work toward. His stance is basically as long as this discussions continue to come up, he's not going to feel comfortable saying that.

For me though, his feeling of uncertainty are making me feel less secure and are leading to harder discussions, to the point that we have just had our first real fight in a long time.

I want to know what other people in healthy relationships think - do you have discussions to meet each other's needs and wants when they conflict with your own?

Tldr: my partner and I rarely argue anymore but have conversations to meet each other's needs. He says these conversations are abnormal for relationships and is unsure about committing because of them. What do other people think?

Edited to add: between these hard conversations we have a lot of fun, we support each other in work and life in general, we are very good friends and everything is honestly pretty great. We just have two different styles of being in relationships and we are trying to navigate that.