(x-posted from r/relationshipproblems for more opinions, hopefully)

No real names are used here, of course*

I'm (36M) a father to a wonderful daughter born in April 2024. Her mother, Maggie (33F), and I were together for three years, but our relationship was often tumultuous. After we found out about the pregnancy, things became even more strained, leading to our eventual breakup. Since our daughter's birth, I've been trying my best to co-parent, but the communication between Maggie and me is incredibly challenging.

Here's a bit of background: Throughout our relationship, arguments were frequent, and Maggie often resorted to hurtful words, insults, and emotional outbursts. I usually ended up conceding to keep the peace, which took a toll on my self-esteem and mental health. Despite our separation, these patterns have continued into our co-parenting efforts.

For instance, there were several moments during Maggie's pregnancy and our daughter's birth where her expectations and communication left me feeling frustrated and sidelined. She requested that I not be present at the birth, yet later criticized me for not offering help in ways she hadn't previously mentioned. This kind of miscommunication and shifting expectations has been a recurring theme. This kind of passive-aggressive communication makes co-parenting incredibly difficult.

Despite my efforts to create a stable and supportive environment for our daughter, the communication issues and Maggie's constant negativity make it challenging. I've tried different approaches to improve our interactions, but it often feels like I'm hitting a brick wall.

Has anyone else dealt with similar co-parenting communication problems? How did you manage to navigate these difficulties and establish a more effective way of communicating with your co-parent? Any advice or shared experiences would be greatly appreciated. Thank you.

I also started writing about this all on my Medium page, none of my coparenting stories are paywalled or anything if you're interested