Forewarning; this is going to be a long one. Boyfriend and I have been together for coming up on a year. I went through a really rough breakup a few years ago, and after that I battled with thoughts & feelings of never being good enough/able to be loved again/massive trust issues. That was until bf came along. I fell hard for him, everything just felt really good and refreshing with him. It was exciting and fun, it has been exciting and fun. Recently though, I've been feeling like it's very much, not that.

Important info for context: We don't live in the same city, but we are close enough to travel to see each other during weekends. I go to therapy, he does not (didn't work for him, it's been a lifeline for me). We both work full time. I'm the only one that ever brings up any issues in our relationship. I've told him before that it makes me feel like I'm nagging, but in layman's terms he just says "You're not nagging, I've f*cked up, you haven't, so I don't have anything to bring up with you"

I have been doing a lot of reflection because of these negative feelings, and I pinpointed where they started-Two instances. First one being, a couple of months ago he had invited me to a concert. I hadn't heard of the band, but I love live music and the tickets were cheap so I agreed to go with him, just told him I wanted to listen to the music before pulling the trigger and buying the ticket. (I listened and ended up loving the band) Somewhere in the span of like a day or two, some friends of his batch bought tickets to the show and invited him to go with, and he agreed. One of these friends apparently has problems with women because he got hurt in his last relationship (go to therapy you douchebag), and every time bf has brought up this friend meeting me, he has pretty much refused. I am pretty non-confrontational, but not when it comes to misogyny. Hating/ not respecting women is my biggest no-no, and I will get into altercations over it (I have before). Another friend in this group "doesn't do well with strangers" (so why he's going to a concert with a room full of strangers, I have no idea) so he also had a problem with me going. And the last argument was that there's 4 of them going including bf, so there's no room in the car? Most cars have 5 seats, and also, anybody ever heard of taking two cars??? Anyways, this whole thing really hurt me. He didn't stick up for me and the fact that he had already agreed to go with me. He told me I could just "meet him there" which felt like such a slap in the face after his friends had made me feel so unwelcome, even though they hadn't even met me. He also made a comment that I found to be incredibly strange. He said something about how his ex gf would probably be at the show because it's her favorite band, and "I hope she sees me and runs away" something along those lines. I called him on it as soon as he said that, I told him "well that's f*cking weird" and he got embarrassed. Anyways, I was just sick of the entire situation, and I still really wanted to go, so I invited my sister to go with me instead, and gave the whole "I'll just see you there" to bf. SO THEN, (I know this is long I'm sorry) My sister invited her boyfriend without telling me and I just found out and now I'm bummed all over again. I don't know him that well, they just started dating, and was really looking forward to having a sister night. My excitement over the entire thing is just dwindling. We HAVE talked about this situation a couple of times, and he has apologized for the fact that I feel some type of way about it, but I really don't think he actually sees or cares about why it's hurt me. He hasn't made any effort to remedy the situation.

Second instance. I gave him money to bail him out of situations. Like, a lot of money. I'm in a better financial position than he is, but life is still not very easy. I'm working two jobs, and have had some really big expenses come up that I've had to pull from savings for. I know this is more of a me thing than a him thing (I didn't HAVE to give him money) but I'm just kind of angry at myself for doing it because I know how stupid it was. I also can't tell anybody close to me about this because I'll never hear the end of it I'm embarrassed. He was gonna be absolutely screwed both times, and I had the money, so I helped. Money comes and goes, I'd rather spend my money to help than watch my partner suffer. He also made comments about his stressful situation making him want to- put himself in the ground- if you're picking up what I'm putting down. Which made me feel like I had to help, and it also put A LOT of stress onto me. I didn't expect to get paid back, because of his financial situation, but I guess I did expect an elevated level of respect, since I've bailed him out multiple times. If the roles were reversed, I'd be kissing the freaking ground he walked on for helping me! I'm not getting that energy in the slightest. This past weekend we had an incident where he yelled at me, in public, because I copped some attitude at him for not waiting up for me to go into a store. Wrong on my part I know, but I was annoyed, and it wasn't anything more than a smug look and a tonal "why tf didn't you wait for me". Nothing that warranted him literally yelling at me in front of people. It really pushed me further away, especially after I had just done so much to help him.

I'm realizing that I'm harboring feelings of resentment because of how he's handled these situations. I hate that, so much. I love him beyond words, and really saw a life with him at one point, but these things have made me reevaluate some of that. We've been having talks of moving in together in the coming year, and honestly, I don't want to anymore. I'd rather him get his own place closer to me before I make that decision, and we've talked about that, but he's still got the idea that him and I are going to live together soon. I don't want to resent him, I really want to work to move on from all of this, and get back to where we used to be. It's just not a good time for me to bring it all up, and cast doubt in his mind on where we stand (I don't want to break up). He's going through A LOT, and it's really taking a toll on him. I don't want to "kick him while he's down", I want to be a supporter. It just feels like in order for me to support him I have to take such a giant chunk from myself I'm hurting from things he's done, so it makes it feel 10x harder. I feel like I'm just stuck with what to do. I've lost trust with him because of these things, and it's gonna be hard for me to build that back up. I feel very in over my head now, and I don't know how to go forward. Any advice would be helpful. Ask away if you need any clarity on anything.

TLDR; Boyfriend has done things that prove a lack of respect for me, and I've over given in the relationship. It's caused me to hold resentment, and now I'm struggling with how to move forward. Any advice is welcome.