Howdy, I’m a 26m dating and living with my partner a 33f. We’ve had rough patches like most relationships, as of late issues with abusing cannabis and money management have become a big problem for her. I like smoking myself, with that said no to the amount she puts down in a day. About 2-3.5 grams a day. She spends all her money on weed and Uber. Then turns around and asks me for 50-100$. Stating she would do the same. But after a few times of loaning her the cash and never getting it back. I’m refusing to shell out more money for essentially weed and snacks.

I cook our meals, buy the groceries, clean the dishes, tackle laundry piles around the apartment. When my frustrations are brought to conversation. This script of I have adhd, depression, and that she’s neurodivergent. Which don’t get me wrong I get it’s rough dealing with. But after this long isn’t she still in the ball park of needing to be accountable for her actions and choices?

I’m usually the one that gets all the smoke for standing up for myself or my ideological views. Which makes me feel small, and on an island by myself. We fight at least once a week. The last major fight we had was in the middle of the night out of no where.

We had gotten up from the couch to go to bed. Which is super normal for us! As I start to lay down, she starts screaming where is Cyrus! Where is the cat. I said probably hiding out or on the couch idk. To which she just start screaming you don’t care about were he is, just repeating and screaming! Mind you it’s like 1236am I start to nastly say quietly stfu, stfu, other people don’t need to be apart of this. She screams no I won’t stfu don’t talk to me like that.

I got up and my brain goes pillow fight and I lightly toss my pillow at her thinking it would cause comedic relief. Nope trained guard dog hops on the bed in atk mode. I slide my hand on his collar grip it towards the base of his nape. About to scoop my hand under his ass to bring him down to the floor to calm him down. She starts randomly pulling out of nowhere with me screaming stop and let go. I then get my forearm chewed up nothing to bad just felt like she could have listened and I could have handled it better with my reactions. I still harbor a lot of hatered and anger for what happened. She’s on meds and in therapy but never makes any progress with herself.

I’m afraid of how to move forward with my life I love her so much. I also know this isn’t going to work with the way it’s going.