Me (M). Casually got to know, someone I thought was amazing. Hard childhood. But as a result very independent. We fell in love. 3 years later, I find out she had 2 children with her ex. Who used to abuse her, hit her. Said that’s why she left. Studied , became a doctor. Left kids with him because he would be able to give them more security whilst being a student . I fell for her. She was sending nearly all her wage for the kids upbringing. She lived a very basic, minimalist life. I didn’t want that for her. She deserved more. Always looking out for others first. But to save money. Would even change the oil in her own car. Over time. Yes I bought her stuff. But things that most people would have in their house, even things like a ring door bell. So she had some kind of security. She told me she had nothing to do with kids, because he wouldn’t let her. After this, accidentally, I found out things. Also wrongly I read her messages. I find that she’s living with the ex at weekends. Had some kind of relationship that allowed her to see the kids. She obviously denied the relationship. I find she lied about lots of things. Even her age. Just silly things. With all her excuses, I tried to understand. But still fixed on her looking after herself. Gave her my bank cards so she can buy things for herself and the kids. Pay for conferences abroad. That she couldn’t afford. But so I could help her in her career. Always giving. Even bought her a car. But Not expecting. But just so that she never needed to put her head down. Knowing I was with her. At one point last year, I started struggling. Asked to stop spending soo much on the cards. But if she needed too. Pay it back. She initially agreed with the extra shifts she did. Then at one point said no!! That she had worked hard for the money. And she never said that. I honestly felt hurt. Argued. Said I never wanted to see her again etc etc. I did say shit things. For 2/3 weeks we didn’t talk. Then since summer. 2023. (After 7 years… nothing). When I contacted her, she said she was convinced that I had ended it, she was hurt and accepted it. With me finding out all the lies in the past we argued and ‘ended’ anything. I apologised repeatedly saying no that’s not what I wanted. I have to say. She moved to a hard iob, and started being unwell. But for the last 7 months. Its the. Same excuse. I never see her because she’s tired. Working too. Hard. She unwell.

From speaking to each other everyday. Seeing each other 2/3 a week. All I had was texts. I repeatedly, obsessively sent messages explaining my feelings. And That I want her. I did send a lot. She ignored most of them. But only replied when I got upset and sent horrible messages. Me Looking for reasons why such a quick change. I asked Is with another guy, but nooooooo it’s all in my head.

I’ve seen her 4-5 times a since. November. 2023. She replies saying I’m being needy. Narcissistic, pathetic. She tells me. It all in my heads. Says I love u. That I should listen to her and support her through this difficult time. But she know I would like always. If she stopped distancing herself. But again said no. It’s my over thinking. And me making it about myself

I just don’t know how I should interpret this. Who’s being an idiot here. Im convinced it’s me. But for different reasons to what she says. She shows no interest. Too unwell to text. But well enough to go to work? wtf is my problem. My obsession here.