My boyfriend and I have hit a rough patch. And honestly? Recently I’ve been beginning to realize the relationship really isn’t healthy, I’ve allowed him to treat me really shitty for almost the entire time. He tried to break up with me last week, and gave me some ultimatums I didn’t like, but agreed to.

He wants to open the relationship, which we had briefly at the start of dating but closed it because he was being very unsafe and inappropriate. He said if we don’t reopen it he’s going to break up with me, this broke my heart and I begged him not to but I was more afraid of him breaking up with me so I gave in. He also asked for other little things like he doesn’t wanna location share with me anymore either. I gave into everything. I feel honestly kind of ashamed of myself.

Right after Valentine’s Day he and I got in a fight bc he had taken another woman out for dinner that night (we are long distance.) and I called him to talk about it and he kind of shamed me, called me controlling and basically told me I was being silly and shouldn’t even care (and he’s “sorry I feel the way I do” about it). All the reasons I listed that he wanted to change, were the things he said made me controlling.

I have been devastated, I decided to book a couple weeks off work and plan a trip across the province, going to the city to see my best friend and change my perspective a bit as well as just go to a few cities I haven’t been to before to meet new people. Because I have begun realizing I don’t want to be treated this way but I need to boost my self esteem if I want to leave him.

Throughout this entire breakup/changes my boyfriend has been very cold and emotionless. He ignores me often, generally just seems annoyed by me and even told me that he is intentionally ignoring me. I’ve called him crying and begged so many times not to leave me and I literally told him all he had to say is jump and I’ll do it, anything he wants. And he’s been getting anything he wants.

Today I’ve been feeling a lot better, I have a date coming over to take me out tomorrow (he seems really sweet too!) I’m planning the trip to the city and it’s boosting my confidence for the first time in a long time. I called my boyfriend and told him. I also mentioned that hopefully by the end of the trip I would have worked on my unhealthy attachment to him, so I wouldn’t be so annoying and clingy, and we would both be more equal and happy in the relationship.

As soon as I said that, he has completely switched up, he’s back to being really sweet. He’s acting like he used to, he’s being so lovey dovey again that it’s jarring. I’m so confused.

Has all this just been a fucked up test for control? Or is there something else I’m too love blind to consider?