This is going to be a long one.

TLDR: Wife was a victim of SA throughout childhood and early teenaage years. Went to therapy and has had a lot of things change. Is unsure she's still interested in being together.

Long version. My wife and I have been together since 2018, and married in 2021. She's the only woman I've ever considered marrying. Prior to her I had no desire and honestly was against the idea. At the beginning and for the first few years we were extremely sexually compatible. Beyond just physical attraction we were very much the same mentally as well. Often sitting around and just bsing about stupid things laughing and just enjoying each other's company.

Over the last 2 years she has been having difficulty in day to day life. Often feeling overwhelmed and unable to process/balance everything. She was diagnosed with ADHD about a year or so ago. Has been going to therapy for about the same amount of time. Prior to this she was the one in charge of everything in our lives. She elected to take on and manage things as that is part of her personality (I thought). She's an exec assist for work and a very type A (I think) personality. At first I was apprehensive about relinquishing my control over duties of paying bills, planning meals, finances etc. I've never given someone control over any of that in my life before. I let it happen and found that I felt quite loved and taken care of and eventually really came to enjoy it.

Fast forward to 1 year or so ago. She opens up and asks for help and tells me she can't do it all anymore. Admittedly I felt a bit let down, but have picked up a decent amount of slack with what I thought was a great deal of efficiency. All the while asking what I could be doing to help her and improve her overall state. These questions were often met with idk or nothing. When pressed further I would often get an upset reply and a period of less interaction.

Our sex life has been in decline over the last year or so as well. This was to be expected as someone who is going through therapy for SA is essentially reliving their trauma (from what I understand). She became physically distant. Sex went from 3 ish times a week to maybe once every couple weeks and eventually to none. This has caused some friction between us believe. I think sex in a relationship has a way of smoothing over small annoyances/issues that come with cohabitation as well as increasing closeness/feelings of attraction. Therapy has helped her grow and in her words "allow her to have her own ideas about things she's always wanted to do, or been curious about" this has caused her to do some things that have surprised me over the last month or 2. Nothing extreme generally things we'd spoken about months or years ago that had previously been dismissed by her completely and written off as a "don't ever bring this up again context" as a result I've been a little surprised and even at times less than pleased with some of these things. Some of them being things I had brought up in the past and chastized or had upset her in one way or another. I've been doing my best to be open to new things she wants to do and remember that what's in the past isn't always set in stone.

This all came to a head last weekend. A week prior (2 weeks ago) I sent her a text message stating how I was feeling about some things she brought up/decisions she was making. Telling her about why I was reacting the way I was to certain things and that I was feeling left out and overall rather unloved. This resulted in almost 2 weeks of little to no contact (short text messages, regular formality type greetings) we were essentially roommates who sleep in the same bed. She stated she needed to process and speak with her therapist about how she feels.

This last Friday we sat down to address all of this. I told her about how I was feeling unloved and that I could feel her recoiling during all physical interactions with me. That overall a year ago I felt let down by her needing help because my relinquishing control of my things was my way of begining to fully open up to someone (never happened). She said this broke her heart to hear and that the reason she had been extra distant recently is that my body is similar/the same to the people who had caused the abuse in the past. She says she feels physically sick anytime I touch or put my body to hers. To add to it she said that instead of taking the weight of things to be managed like I thought I had. I had only "taken care of my own things". All future talk shifted to IF we stay together and not that we will make it through. I think she's just hurting right now, but to hear the things she said absolutely destroyed me. I asked how I could've supported her more, and why the questions I was asking the entire time didn't yield any requests from her to which I was told I didn't understand. She's right. I don't. I thought I was doing everything right, but now almost a year later I'm finding out I wasn't doing enough and I'm worried it's going to cost me the marriage that's (until very recently) made me the happiest I've ever been.

I know it's a lot to read and honestly there's bits I've left out as the story would be a novel I think. I could use some insight as to what I could've or can do better or even just a hey that's shitty. I don't really have anyone to talk to about it. I've been invited to her therapy session on Thursday and I'm hoping that will shed some light on all of this.

Are there things I could've done differently to make her feel more supported?

Anyone been in a similar situation before?