Hi reddit! Long time lurker, first time poster. I know how the title sounds, but i could honestly use some outside perspective since anyone else I could ask is biased towards the situation. I have been dating my girlfriend, Lola for about two years now, and overall things have been great. My brother Ian has always been pretty weird whenever she comes up or is around. Ian and I are very close, talking to each other daily, but the conversation will usually change gears right as I start talking about anything Lola related. I thought maybe he was jealous of the time I was spending with her or maybe a little crush on her. Still, whenever we'd get together, he'd make comments about our age gap, poke fun at me for simping, and joke about her sleep disorder. Ian's always enjoyed a good prank, either pranking or being pranked, he loves to laugh and I genuinely believe that when he goes to prank people, he means it in a way to share the laughter. When he's tried to pull little pranks on Lola though, he does things that he figured out triggers her disorder, like making sudden loud sounds, jumping out to scare her, and one time I caught him before he was going to do the shaving cream sleep bit while she was taking a nap in the guest room. I warned him in more detail then that he shouldn't mess with her while she's sleeping, as interrupting her regulated cycles isn't good for her, and AT THE ABSOLUTE BEST she's the WORST kind of cranky when she's woken up. Ian looked like he understood and I thought that was that. I threw a NYE party a few days ago and invited Ian and a bunch of mine and Lola's friends. Everyone was having a good time, my watch went off with the alarm that we set up for Lola to take a nap, she went off with a sleepy smile, I kept partying. A while later we all heard a scream, followed soon after by cussing and something breaking. I panicked as it was from my room where Lola was and I ran through nearly kicking the door down to find she shoved someone down and was yelling at them. I looked to see who it was and saw a spider mask that I unfortunately recognized as Ian's from years ago. I saw him scrambling to get away, but she only stopped when three of her friends pushed past me to pull her up and check her before she ultimately passed out in their arms. Ian scrambled off the floor and ripped the mask off, revealing the work she'd managed to do in the time it took us to react. He started bawling telling me that she was insane and abusive, that he only wanted to make sure she wasn't going to sleep through the ball drop. At this point everyone started yelling. Ian looked terrified and kept repeating that she was crazy and that I shouldn't be with someone who could do this to her bf's brother. Some of my guys were yelling that if she did it to him she could do it to me. All of her friends were screaming about how he should know to leave a sleeping girl alone and how it was creepy. Ian ended up calling our mom to tell him that Lola hurt him and she's furious, Lola's friends ended up carrying her out against my protests, and my friends were nearly split down the middle. I remember standing there while everyone argued while the ball dropped, my mother calling me for the tenth time, and Lola finally texting me that she needs space to think. Since then we've lightly texted, she's expressed that she can't shake her fear of what happened, but she still hasn't told me from her side WHAT happened. Ian and my mom are trying to convince me to break up with her, and chastising me for not helping or standing up for my brother when he was being assaulted, also demanding an apology for not playing my part as an older brother. Ian has facetimed a few other family members and now my aunt, who paid for both our colleges and the house my mom and brother live in and helped me get my apartment, is taking the three hour drive up to make sure her boys are okay, which is stressing me out even more. On one hand, i know family is family and I should do what I can to stand up for the people who helped raise me and become the person I am. On the other hand, Lola is my girlfriend, I adore her, I love her, I feel like I should be there to protect her. I don't want to push her boundaries but not talking to her is a different kind of hurt. Ian is convinced that he was doing a well intentioned prank and was wrongfully punished for wanting to make sure everyone was enjoying themselves. I don't know if i believe that, but I've known Ian for 22 years, growing up we were inseparable. I don't want to doubt him just because love may be blinding me. How do I approach the situation with Lola? How can I convince my family that Lola isn't a threat, she's honestly the most sweet and caring person, she just can't be woken up and part of me feels like she was pushed to that point.

ETA:

To everyone who has reached out to me with advice on how I can learn from this shitstorm, thank you. To everyone that has helped me understand that just because family has done a lot for you, it does not mean you're indebted to them and can't have an opinion or life of my own, thank you. To everyone that has reached out to me telling me that i'm such an idiot, I suck as a boyfriend, they hope Lola leaves me, they wish she beat both of us up, thank you.

This won't be a full update as a lot happened yesterday and I frankly don't have time to get into everything with police and packing to deal with.

In short, while a lot of you advised I wait for Lola to tell me her side before I confront my family, they all came over to my apartment yesterday morning while I was writing out a list of questions for them. I was supposed to go over the night before but i texted them saying I needed time and if we could meet later today, but they obviously didn't like that and showed up unannounced. The fighting started almost immediately and I initially was thrown off by them being there, but I matched energy and started yelling back at them for their predatory and enabling behavior of Ian and how I couldn't believe they'd side with him over this, golden rainbow baby aside.

My aunt got in my face about disrespect, while my mom cried and brother cussed me out, but I pointed at my computer and yelled back at them that if they genuinely believed Lola was the problem, then they were victim blaming idiots that I wanted nothing more to do with. My mom kept crying but I got my aunt's attention with the computer and she got close to look at the screen (i was going through comments to write up all the questions) and after a minute she turned back to us, really my brother, and said "what is this?" I explained reddit and that I'd posted for help, Ian then stopped comforting mom and pushed past me to get to the computer, asking what right I had sharing family business on the internet. My aunt stopped him and asked, "Why didn't you tell us you were alone with her? You never told me she was sleeping."

To say all hell broke loose would be an understatement. Like a switch my mom almost immediately stopped loudly crying and looked over at my aunt confused. Ian started shaking his head and reiterating his version of the story, which, listening to it, was infuriatingly off. I'd figured out that not only did he tell mom and our extended family a version of the story in which Lola was all too violent with him when "he jumped from behind a door to give her a little spook" but he left out the details that put him in any bad light. I started yelling again, calling him a liar, but he started crying and called me a liar who was just trying to lie for my girlfriend. At the sight of my brother crying my mom pleaded with us to stop, my aunt scrolling more on the screen. It felt like both a minute and forever that we were yelling in each other's faces about how the night went, how I felt he always used his tears to get his way, him yelling at me about how ungrateful I always was, etc. Unfortunately, I forgot where we were and didn't keep the volume down at all, and some time later there was a knock at the door. I didn't know who it could be, some dumb part hoped Lola, though I knew it wasn't. It was two officers, answering to a noise complaint from one if the neighbors. Feeling stupid I plainly explained that no one was hurt and we were having a heated argument but that no one was in danger. I did let them look around and talk to my mom and brother, but my aunt spoke up when it looked like they were just going to give us a warning.

"Actually, i think it's good that you're here, my nephew has something he'd like to report" she motioned to Ian, who's eyes looked between her and the officers quickly. My aunt still looked as angry when she first arrived, but she was glaring at Ian. "You know, hypothetically if someone touches or hits you without permission or justified reason, that's something you can and should report. Id there anything you wanna say?"

There was silence, eyes moving to everyone around the room. My aunt didn't look encouraging in a report, it hit me that she was calling him out. I stared at him, his eyes were bulging, he looked as panicked as the other night when he was trying to get away from Lola. One of the officers asked if everything was alright, and like clockwork, Ian started bawling his eyes out. My mom asked him what was wrong, I told her she had to stop babying him, he's been lying to you guys, my aunt asking him again if he had anything to report. "You were up in arms against this girl this morning, where'd all that fire go? Did she hit you or not?" It took a while of us pushing him, but he finally admitted to the room that he didn't have anything to report because he "didn't feel like she'd be rightly prosecuted". His next story sounded closer to the one I knew, where he admitted to knowing Lola had gone to sleep and wanted to scare her so she'd wake up (I still don't believe his reason WHY he wanted her up), that he put on a mask (I asked if he knew she had a phobia, he said he "knew she found them creepy") and that no, there was no one else in the room with them, he couldn't get any of our friends to agree to the "prank" so he did it himself. He said he started making sounds against the wall the bed was against the wall and then got close to scream in her face. He said she woke up and surprised him because he thought the stress and panic would cause her to scream or hide but she went for his throat instead. He described his beating to everyone in the room, some of which I saw had the officers look at each other then back at him. Then that's when I pushed the door in (the door wasn't locked, i just panicked and didn't think to use the doorknob properly, i just threw my body at the door), and the rest of his story is what I was there for.

I'm sure if the police weren't there, I would've hit him. I know I would've. My mom started crying even more when he said she was sleeping, a fact that changed his entire story, and my aunt chewed him out, everyone scolding him for his stupidity and asshole behavior, while the officers explained that it sounded like if what he said was true, Lola acted in self defense, and that not only was what he did juvenile, but one of the officers asked my mom's permission to question him more as his behavior was concerning and they wanted to make sure he wasn't a danger to himself or others. My aunt and I told the cops he was 22 at the same time, an adult, and they didn't need her permission (he looks a lot younger than he is). Upon hearing his age, one of the officers sat down with him and asked him to talk through his thought process, and the other officer explained to my mom and aunt that Lola could press charges given Ian's story. My aunt still looked pissed while my mom cried about being confused and over her baby. My mom literally looked at me and said she didn't understsnd how her baby could do this. I already knew I was deep in the bullshit of this family, but i realized that i couldn't grow in the earth that poisoned me, and I needed to get away if I was actually going to get better and stay better. My mom kept fussing with my aunt and another uncle on the phone crying over the drama while I texted a friend of mine who lives across the city if I could stay with him. I was feeling overwhelmed with all of them and didn't want to be within a few minutes of the source of the problem. I also wanted to give myself space to think and understand with a clear head. I'm typing this between breaks of me packing. My aunt saw me in my room doing this, but she didn't stop me, she only asked me if I'd spoken to Lola about this, and I told her I haven't yet, but i had plans to later on. She told me she was sorry for believing my brother without listening to any other account and that she hopes Lola is okay.

So then it was just me in the apartment. The cops left after taking a statement from my brother and I, my mom left with my brother, still crying, my vrother calling me an asshole, the world's worst brother, and my aunt gave me a hug, apologizing again for how she and her sister acted, and told me that I don't owe her anything, but that she'd like to know that Lola's okay.

With everyone gone, I went to my friends house and i'll be there until further notice. He couldn't make it to the party but he heard about it from multiple people.

As far as Lola, yes I did meet with her yesterday. As excited as I was to see her, I know that most of you were telling me she was going to break up with me so I'd been preparing for that. Whether I ended up single or not, I wanted to make sure she was okay above all. I know i don't deserve her as a girlfriend, and i'd much rather she not be with me if it meant she was safe. She brought a friend with her and we all sat and talked. I showed them both the reedit post and Lola has asked that I not share any more information about her until she feels ready herself. She's on reddit for gaming and general scrolling fairly often and let me know that if she came across this story without me having told her, she would've been pissed. She did however read a lot of the commenters worried about her and wanted me to express to you all that, while upset, hurt, and with mixed up emotions, she is overall okay. She doesn't like that I posted about her without at least giving her a heads up, but after I offered to take the post down, she only ask that I give her time and to leave her, her personal life and opinions out of anything beyond what i've already said here until she's says otherwise. In short, she did break up with me, and when I told her about the police telling us that she could press charges, her friend laughed and told me that they were more than aware. She thanks everyone for their concern and told me she really hopes we both learn from this. (This section was approved by her).

So yeah, unless i'm forgetting something, that's all i have/can give right now. My mom has been calling and texting me, telling me that this ehooe ordeal has made Ian and her a wreck and she can't bepieve i'd let a girl do this to us. I blocked my brother right after he left my apartment, and i just blocked her. My aunt has let me know she'll talk to her, but i don't know hoe that's gonna go. I understand that it isn't what everyone wants, but none of this is anything I want either. To everyone who has nothing but bad things to say about me, I get it, i'm an asshole. I appreciate any and all advice i've been given, I'm gonna be taking a break from not only the bs in my life but this reddit stuff tok. I know i have a lot of growing to do, and I can't do that in this environment. Thank you again to everyone.