So the past few weeks have been quite up and down with my partner. Mostly because I’ve been working full time and we’re long distance.

She’s said to me multiple times that she doesn’t feel loved, that I don’t show my affection for her enough, and that I’m dismissive of her complains concerning our relationship. I’ve responded by saying how I only say certain things when I really mean them, that I try to text and call her when I can in between my full-time job & busy household, & that I don’t mean to steal her “affection time” — I’m just a person who operates on how I’m feeling at the time. So sometimes I’m affectionate, other times I’m just cordial.

We’ve tried to reach a middle ground for a while and most of the time it goes well. But the arguments are still common. Tonight was going extremely well until an off handed comment about how I don’t text her enough turned into a full-fledged argument/emotional release about how she feels unloved, that I’m deliberately hurting her by not spending enough time with her, and that I don’t love her. That I don’t tell her I love her enough, that my selfishness is jeopardising our relationship.

Ultimately, the more we argue, the more I feel we’re incompatible. She’s beginning to blame me, telling me this is all my fault. That she doesn’t care anymore if nothing changes. That I’m hurting her deliberately. Which isn’t the case. At least, I don’t think.

She says I have a “reward system” for affection, whilst she wants affection all the time. I need space when she doesn’t want to be alone. I don’t say that I love her nearly as much as she needs to hear it.

It honestly seems like these differences are killing our relationship and I’m wondering if it’s best to break up for her health. Or is this a me issue? Is she right? Am I being unworthy?

Also, because of my job and family, I’ve told her that I can’t see her and that she can come visit me (I’ve visited her once). She’s not happy with that. This seems to be a big issue too.

All answers are appreciated, thanks for reading.