A little backstory first. My girlfriend and I met at work, we work on opposite ends of our store and she was tasked on finding this online order and I was supposed to help her. She is gorgeous and the prettiest person I’ve ever seen. After I’m done helping her we go out separate ate ways and it was nice. I work in an environment where majority of customers are Hispanic and me and another coworker are talking about learning Spanish and walking by, she is also. So I broke ice and asked if she could teach Spanish (she’s Puerto Rican) the conversation shifts to me and her and we talk about me wanting to take up Spanish and she unexpectedly asks me for my snap which blew my mind! I add her we drive home and go our separate ways again.

The reason we got to know each other is because I wanted to learn Spanish and that what I thought I was going to get from her. But we talked and I got to know her and within a short amount of time we started hanging out. I was also going to ask her if she wanted go out but she asked me before I could!

At this point I’m kinda excited to make a new friend because I’ve never seen anyone in my life take the initiative to get to know me! I knew from the start there was something about her that was mysterious. She was constantly misjudged at work because of her appearance. But she was not who I thought she was. Over time we became really close. Talking every night, every morning. Became my best friend and we had gone out every chance we got! It was electric! I had already developed some feelings of my own and I think she did too! I met her on her breaks/lunches when I was off of work or sometimes during work. I loved seeing this woman!! I was in love!

We’ve talked a lot at this point. About family life, friends, past relationships, etc. our pasts importantly, she told me a lot about her emotional trauma and neglect she experienced as a kid. I went through similar stuff but nothing like I’ve heard. It’s really painful to hear about what someone’s been through. Past relationships weren’t great either. Emotions and feelings weren’t validated, always left unsure and needed constant reassurances. Overthinking like I do.

She has a real hard time opening up and revealing what she truly feels because shes use to people coming and breaking her down and leaving, adding to the list of things that make her feel bad. The time we’ve spent together was amazing and I could see she was content and happy! She really exceeded expectations and we’re talking about moving out together a month in the relationship and I got really excited but also scared. I had doubts in my head and I overthought things like “she wants that with me?” ( I have never been in a real relationship before, I should’ve mentioned this at the beginning) and lot of self doubt.

Fast forward to a week or 2 before thanksgiving, we’re fine and lovey dovey and everything is perfect. Week later she turns silent and gets real busy and doesn’t show that affection she showed me in a week and I thought ok it’s thanksgiving week and this’ll blow over. It didn’t. Even before thanksgiving I was becoming worried and sick and fearing something bad is happening.

I began prying and dumping my guilt and fear onto her unknowingly that’d it’d make things worse and I didn’t stop to think maybe she needs space? I ask and she says no. I’m still confused and scared and things get worse and I’m overwhelmed in my thoughts and feelings and I was love dumping her unknowingly (I never even heard of it before she told me) one day I confront her and blame her for my feelings of frustration and guilt and play victim. I lose her respect and she had every right to cut me off EVEN THOUGH I KNEW what she’s been through and I did the worst thing possible because I couldn’t step back and learn to control myself and feelings. Yet she hasn’t unadded me and has kept the Snapstreak going. Haven’t talked in solid week and I’m consumed by fear and uncertainty. I’ve given space and nothing has been said yet and I’m scared of losing her.