I have two ex-boyfriends from the last few years, let’s call them John (28m) and Neil (27m).

John was a longer relationship, we lived together for a few years before going through a very amicable and mutual break up. John was (and kind of is still) my best friend, he’s basically the male version of me, we can talk for hours and hours and we enjoy all of the same things together. I truly felt like we were a team and we were dealing with life as equal partners, however there was/is very little passion in the relationship even right at the start. A lot of love, but not much of a physical connection or I guess what you’d call a spark.

Neil was a shorter relationship of less than a year, before an explosive break up where he lost his temper while drunk and angry. Myself and Neil have an extremely strong physical connection and a lot of passion, there’s definitely a spark there and strong emotions. However there was a lot of extreme ups and downs in our relationship, lots of arguing and crying and lots of giddy happiness on good days. We had fun but always felt like a struggle rather than a partnership.

Both men are currently saying that they’re working on themselves in order to try to win me back. I guess my question/what I need advice on is, am I being unrealistic if I hold out hope that in the future, I could meet someone who’s my best friend and teammate the way that John is, but with the spark and passion I had with Neil? I know I should feel very lucky to have two kind gentlemen pursuing me, and if I had to choose between the two I’d pick John, but it’s not fair on him if I feel like I’m settling or missing something. am I being naive and waiting for a fairytale romance that doesn’t exist in the real world?