Hey guys I’m new here but I’ve recently having some relationships that’s bothering me and I wanted to get some advice. Before I get into the details I’m really trying to try in the relationship, keep an open mind, and work on myself. Also I always keep in mind that any feelings I have is always a projection of myself ie anger, upset, fear etc. That being said here is my situation

My gf and I have been in a good standing relationship for 6 years. We don’t argue, and we really work great as a team. Yes we aren’t married, but I’m scared that if I see these signs now, it could be worse in the future. She has a gay best friend that she knew prior to me, from high school, so way longer friendship than I have with her. The gay best friend has a bf, so it’s really the 3 of them. They go out to dinner, go to clubs, normal friendship stuff. I’m not writing because I’m scared they’re doing something behind my back, but I’m scared there’s a red flag being thrown because I don’t really get along with them. My gf ofc wants to have the best of both worlds, her bf and gay bffs all get along.

My interaction with them have been very minimal. Like mentioned earlier, they’re party, social animals. I work 2 jobs and kinda introverted, I like to relax at home with our dogs, cleaning the house, anything that puts my mind at ease. My only interaction with them is when I see them drunk, on cocaine, or when they come over for the after party and stay long hours. I don’t drink, or smoke so I don’t really relate going out all the time, but I’ll go out every now and then to spend time with my gf.

Recently my gf birthday just happened and I had my first interaction with them. I hired a private chef to come in and make a specialized dinner for her and her closest friends because it was quite costly. We made a small list which included her friends, some family but not parents. She had told me she didn’t want her parents over for the party because she wouldn’t feel comfortable. She wanted to get drunk, dance etc, I made sure to ask “are you sure?” And she replied, “yes we will have a separate lunch/dinner with just her mom and dad” which was fine for me, it was her bday and my only goal was to give her the best bday ever.

Day of the bday, somehow the dad made it over. My gf told me it was ok for him to be over since it was already happening but she would like my to take him home in a couple hours. Couple hours pass, the dinner was amazing, drinking is happening, ppl are having fun etc but my gf wanted her dad to go home at this point. At this point I reached out to the dad and told him I was taking him home. At this point the 2 bffs jumped into the conversation, and were replying “this is a party, he’s here to have fun, don’t make him leave etc” (almost making me look like the bad guy but I didn’t really care). I replied to them “you don’t understand I’m going take him home” they both looked at me, like I was dumbfounded, completely ignored what I said and turned to my gf and continued the situation. This really tipped me off because I felt completely disrespectful, like I was treated like a child, and not to put money out there, I just paid for their entire special dinner! The dad ended up staying the whole night and my gf had a fake good time always looking over her shoulder. The dad doesn’t really speak any English, he’s more of an observer so he was constantly just watching her making her feel uncomfortable in her own home. That was my red flag one

The next day the parents and my gf ended up having a conversation about the party and it resulted into a big fight where my gf was crying for 2 weeks. In his mind he justified it as “hey it’s a party anyones invited” in my gf mind she justified it as “I can’t ever really be comfortable with my dad around.” So the next 2 weeks was kinda weird, she was constantly crying, they didn’t speak and a drift started happening. Now idk if this would have happened in the future between the 2, but I definitely blamed it on the bffs. If they didn’t butt in and ignore me the disrespectful way they did then all my hard work, planning, payment etc wouldnt have been for nothing. The reason why I say for nothing is because, the bday is kinda swept under the rug now. Nothing about “thank you: for hiring private chef, reaching out to all her closest friends, setting up the home to look amazing”

The 2nd interaction that occurred was on a side convo that my gf had with the bffs. The only reason why I know this convo was because I know she attempted to include me in on her day. The bffs both mentioned something along the lines of “he’s too good for you, he’s going to leave you.” When I heard this I immediately was upset. I told her that they shouldn’t even be speaking about my relationship with her. I don’t want them planting seeds like that into her head. I was furious, it’s none of their business plain and simple. I don’t go to them speaking about how toxic their relationship is, or how they need to get drunk to have a good time etc. None of my business

Recently we went on a Europe trip together for a month and we had numerous 3-5 different ppl stay at our house to watch, feed, our dogs. The last 2 ppl on the end leg of our trip were of course the bffs. When I got home ofc I wanted to be in the comfort of my own bed, but I ended up stripping the bedsheets, blankets, pillow cases and washed them. It was the first thing I did. My gf accused me of doing that because they’re gay. I declined but she didn’t believe me.

So for me I’ve had 3 interactions with them that I didn’t like all the other times they were drunk, loud, rude etc.

Am I in the wrong here? Is this a projection of myself? She makes me feel like I’m crazy, because everyone gets along with them except me, but I don’t feel like anyone knows my story. I tried to tell her personally but I don’t think she sees it my way. I’m trying to keep an open mind, and the bffs have been trying to be more friendly towards me, include me in things but I can’t really shake how I feel about them. I only see them drunk, being rude, my personal situations. Am I too harsh? Ofc a talk is probably the best for all parties, but I just wanted some advice. I want to be apart of my gf life but I know that if her bf and bff don’t get along that’s a huge red flag. And before I commit any further I want to know we’re on the same road together and not splitting down the line. Hopefully I’m not homophobic, I have gay reserved friends but not like these bff guys, they’re loud, open and pda right in front of you, and they’re very touchy feeling with my gf which makes me feel uncomfortable.

Can anyone lend some advice? Sorry for the long read, venting just helps..