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I might regret posting this, but I need outside advice without embarrassing or potentially outing my husband. Possibly a throwaway
We’ve been together for 5 years, married for 3, and eight months ago I gave birth to our daughter. The pregnancy was rough, as I had hyperemesis gravidarum, which means I had the most terrible morning sickness you can imagine. The WHOLE pregnancy. My husband was sweet and took very good care of me, but as you might expect, our sex life was… not great during that period. Neither of us were much in the mood. I was constantly nauseous and tired and had lost so much weight that one of my friends told me I looked like a stick with a beer belly. Thankfully, the birth still went smoothly and my daughter is very happy, healthy, and active. She loves crawling around and babbling nonsense at me.
The trouble comes from, I assume, the fact that my husband started to watch a lot of porn in my absence. I caught him a couple of times. Most of it was standard stuff. Searching “big tits gangbang” or whatever. I expected that. It still stung a little, as I can count the times we’ve had sex since our daughter was born on one hand. But it is what it is. I decided that I’d make more of an effort for him, especially since I’ve gained the weight back and started exercising again. But this morning, before he woke up, I saw a Grindr notification on his phone. My heart sank to the pit of my stomach. I decided that I’d wait to talk to him about it after he came home from work and that I’d try to be nonconfrontational about it. I was completely crushed. I figured he was gay and had probably already cheated on me. I wondered if there was any way we could possibly save our marriage. I don’t want to get divorced and I especially don’t want to raise our daughter on my own. I cried the whole day.
After he came home from work, I brought it up while making dinner. He looked shocked and asked me if I’d gone through his phone. I said no and asked him if he was cheating on me. He admitted he’d been flirting with guys on Grindr, but said that he’d never met up with any of them. I asked him why and for how long, and he said he’d been doing it for the past year or so because he thought he was bisexual. I’m heartbroken. I really thought I knew my husband. We were friends for years before we started dating and I thought we had a great marriage. I felt - and still feel - so fucking stupid. He explained that he’d started watching gay porn while I was pregnant and that he’d wanted to have sex with guys, but didn’t want to cheat on me. He told me that he thought if we opened our marriage, it’d help fix things. I told him I’d have to think about it, but I really don’t want to open our marriage. If I’m honest, I don’t even know if he’d like sleeping with men because it seems like he got the idea from porn. Or maybe he’s already cheated on me and wants to open our marriage so he can sleep around guilt-free. Is there any way I can save this? Or do I have to accept that my marriage is over?
EDIT: You all were right; he cheated on me with at least four men off of Grindr and one of his female coworkers. Any trust we had is completely gone. I’m getting tested for any STIs and finding a divorce lawyer ASAP. I’m hoping to coparent, but we’ll cross that bridge when we come to it. Hopefully I’ll come out of the other side of this nightmare some day. Thanks for the advice, though, I truly do appreciate it!
You are on a path to making your husband think he is gay 😅
Guys have a much higher sex drive than us. I have friends who go crazy after some months without sex. Most of them would leave a relationship if it became sex less.. I could also never live in a relationship without intimacy and sex
Maybe you should take the initiative to revive your sex life? If you don't want to I think it's selfish to deny him having it. A grown healthy guy should not be deprived of this, if you do he will eventually look elsewhere..
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He dident cheat... yet...
Isn't denying your partner sex also saying to hell with the marriage?