TLDR: bf used to be controlling (not as much anymore, but early years were rough and he threatened to end his life if we broke up) of how I looked and isolate me from friends, hangouts out of fear that I'll attract other guys to the point where I lost many friends. Only to discover that he likes/follows/friends/engages with attractive girls on social media and in person (within his church / music community). Advice help: Is me being upset at the hypocrisy valid? Is it normal behaviour for guys to just passively admire other girls on social media or is it out of lust?

My (F23) and my bf (M24) have been together since high school and had a lot of ups and downs during our relationship. Long story short, he was very controlling early in our relationship (what I would wear, who I hung out with, almost stopped me from going on a summer French exchange program, what university I decided to go to, etc.) but I always forgave him because he used to (not anymore) threaten to end his life if I broke up with him. He would also get upset at me if there were any guys around me or that I was friends with, to the point where I stopped going out much and lost friends (both girls and guy friends) because I was worried if I would do something wrong in my bf's eyes. In his defence, I do get hit on a lot and I've had a few instances with guy friends who would suddenly confess their feelings, which would result in me ending our friendship and breaking away from those communities. There were also other instances where both of us were invited to birthday parties, but he would later get upset if I was beside any guys in pictures that the party hosts would share. This also led me to continue isolating myself and turn down invites out of fear that my bf will get insecure or question other people's intentions around me.

On the other hand, I don't really mind what my bf does or who he hangs around because I trust him and he always reassures how much he loves me and only has eyes for me. He's a drummer for his church and other bands so he's often busy with gigs or serving at his church where he has lots of friends (both guys and girls) and his previous exes who he's now on good terms with. He would re-share posts from nail/lash businesses of his girl church friends/ one ex and I never had a problem with it as he's just showing support like their other friends.

However, recently I came across a recommended post and saw my boyfriend in the likes (lol thanks Instagram). It was a local influencer girl in a bikini that I don't follow but have a few mutuals (my bf and some of his friends). I got curious (and admittedly, toxic/ insecure) so I checked out his following only to find other attractive girls that are either influencers or his church/music/work friends and see him liking their revealing photos in suggestive poses.

I honestly didn't mind this too much, other than the fact of remembering how upset he got with me if I were to wear any outfits or post pictures similar to theirs. Also, I felt like he was being a bit of a hypocrite in isolating me from friends/my communities when he himself has friends that are girls and I don't mind it at all.

I don't think of this as cheating as well as they're just social media engagement, I was just bothered by the hypocrisy but unsure if my feelings are valid or if I'm just being insecure and toxic. Someone else told me that guys who control their gfs like this or get upset at the thought of other guys looking is because that's how they view other girls.

So anyways, I just want to ask for guys in relationships with girls: what do you *honestly* think of when you interact with/follow hot girls on social media? Is it just a passive look/appreciation or is it something more lustful?

I just want to know if me feeling upset is valid and I should confront him about the hypocrisy how he isolated me / blamed me for how I looked out of fear that I'll attract other guys.