TLDR; Me (27m) and gf (27f) are making love less and less. GF is not putting the efforts into finding a solution or taking actions. She might be asexual, or is having problems with her birth control dosage. I don’t know what to do to help her understand this is a big problem for me.

(Sorry for any grammar error, english is not my first language). Didn’t think I would ever write here. Me (27M) and my gf (27F) have been in a relationship for the past 8 years. I was her first, and the first 2 years were had a great sex life. Now, sex frequency has died down gradually over the past 5 years. She is very vanilla, and has a low sex drive (I think) whereas I love to explore and I have a high sex drive.

She’s never wanted to do anything more than making love. And by that I mean no or almost no foreplay, so no oral. She’s never let me go down on her, and she’s just recently this year gone down on me for the first time in 8 years.

I feel like she has no interest in having sex. I am always the one initiating, so that means if I don’t, we could go a month or two without and she wouldn’t think twice about it (I’ve tested this). We’ve discussed this issue multiple times before. Each time, she says that it’s her birth control pill that might not be the correct doses and could kill her sex drive. I’ve researched this and found it could happen, so I’ve encouraged her to go see a doctor to change the doses, but nothing happened. The most recent discussion we had was over 3 months ago. Same issue, same excuse. I told her I had through my work one of those medical consulting apps that she could use to get started if she doesn’t want to go see a doctor straight away (she’s very shy). 3 months have passed and nothing has happened.

I bought her as a surprise, one of those bluetooth controlled vibrator a year ago (something she mentioned she would be interested in trying). It has been sitting in the back of her socks drawer since.

I feel like I am at my wit’s end. I love her profoundly, find her sexy and want to explore lots of things with her. If we didn’t have those issues, I would have married her 5 years ago. But I do not want to find myself stuck in a sexless marriage.

She says she loves me, but I am starting to doubt that she finds me sexually attractive. Or maybe she’s asexual and doesn’t know it. Either way, I want to find a solution that could work for both of us, but I don’t feel she’s willing to put the same amount of effort I am and I truly do not want to keep masturbating just to keep myself somewhat satisfied. This is not the kind of relationship that I want.

I don’t know what to do next. I’ve had the same conversation with her almost once per year, and nothing has changed. Maybe someone here could help me gain some other perspective or offer advice. Any would be appreciated. I am really lost. What can I say to her to make her understand that it is important for me that we change asap, if she wants to continue having a relationship with me?