We have been together since 2014. We have 2 sons together. I work full time and she works part time. I do all the cooking and shopping and we split the rest of the household duties with her taking a bit more of the stuff like laundry. I could probably do more but sometimes burnout and exhaustion come into play for me with work often running very overtime. This is her choice to work less by the way, we would be in a better financial position for sure if it was the other way around with her on full-time and me on part-time.

Our boys are in daycare every day 10 hrs weekdays. Parenting is shared, with just times when I have hobbies and such generally once maybe twice a week she has the boys alone for 3-4hours. This is offset on her work days where I do all the drop off and pick up and after care alone. On other days we both do it.

She has always had trouble with anxiety and shyness. She has not been able to make any friends in the 6 years since we moved to this city and has to travel 2 hours every few weeks to visit friends in her home town. I've tried to encourage her to make new friends, be it through organising hang outs with couples we know, encouraging her to make friends at work or to get a hobby and I'd happily shoulder the kids while she went and did that of an afternoon or evening. She desperately wants friends but her anxiety has thus far made it impossible for her.

Since our second son has been born. She has become increasingly angry, emotional and difficult to talk to. I know she is tired. I am too. I've tried encouraging her to seek counselling about managing things, or medication, or both, she was on medication for a bit but she didn't like it made her feel apathetic and flat, having been on stuff like that myself in the past I told her to work with the GP to try and find one that works but doesn't give her side effects that she doesn't like.

Most of my hobbies in the last 2 years I've given up on either through being too tired or having to have taken over more care for the kids. Which is fine. I can pick them back up as the boys get older. But things are getting worse. She is lashing out, yelling at the boys and pets and me for minor upsets, I've had to defuse things many times and gotten her to just separate herself while I deal with the pets or kids etc. I hate seeing her angry and upset but not much I've done has been able to help her. I know I can't make friends for her, or force her to do stuff for herself. She is a lot less affectionate, sex where she used to initiate a lot now rarely happens unless I do and I always feel like it's just a chore for her somewhat. Day to day affection has dropped off. A lot less cuddling, few if any kisses. She has said that while she loves the boys, she hates being a parent. It doesn't help our toddler is terrible at going to sleep and both of us fighting that is tiring. I got about 3 hours of interrupted sleep last night due to having to spend about 2 hours trying settle the 18 month old who I assume is either getting more teeth in or was having bad dreams.

Frankly it's left me feeling undesired, unwanted and scared of making her upset or angry on a day to day basis. I'm burning out, work is hell, I can't afford to quit, I'm exhausted staying up trying to get the boys to sleep, toddler is always sleeping against me, I'm always stiff and sore. I'm not sure what else I can do at this point. I'll be talking to her tonight again about counselling services, either just for her for her anxiety to help make friends and such, or together for everything else. And I guess try to convince her to talk again to the GP for possible medical intervention to help take the edge off.

Does anyone have any suggestions or strategies we, she or I could use to make things easier, how do I try to get her the help she needs?