Hey folks.. coming here for a little advice, as I seem to be hitting a roadblock in my marriage. This kind of exchange has been happening more and more lately, and I'm just not sure why, really. We both feel distant I feel like she doesn't love me anymore.. but idk. I'll let y'all be the judge.

So my wife suggested we take some time for ourselves last night after dinner - cool by me! I worked on music, she took a long bath. After her bath, it was pretty late.. but I had just showered as well. She was laying in bed lookin all lonely, and we always generally cuddle around bedtime.

She asked me to come lay on her (naked), to which I happily obliged. Lots of pillow talk. Petting and sensuality. She asked me to spank her. So now I'm turned on. We're both feelin good and acknowledge that we're feeling good! I ask her if she "wants me to make her feel even better" ;D she tells me she's really sore and wants a shoulder/back rub.. I say okay (it's like 12:45AM at this point), and give her a pro-level back rub. She really needed it. By then it was like 1:20AM and I was far from turned on then, and I was a little fatigued, as the massage was at a tough angle for me and I put a lot of concentration into making it good for her.. but we were cuddling all nice and happy, with me halfway propped up kind of over her.

This is where things went south.

She asked for my hand to hold - the one that was supporting my body.. I told her it was supporting my body and I would need to shift positions, and she started getting frustrated. I changed my position and gave her my hand, and she asked for my other hand as well.. ..okay, sure, now we're basically in a variation of missionary, but I'm again physically uncomfortable. She then says I'm being dramatic, that she's telling me what she wants, and that I should be thankful. She says it's not uncommon for a woman to want to be pinned down by her husband, to which I affirmed, and have done manny times. but told her I didn't realize we were jumping to that and that I needed to like loosen up my body/stretch after giving her the massage. She said, frustratedly, that she didn't know what to tell me in that case, and that I should go stretch.. I popped my back and loosened up my forearms real quick, and said with light sincere enthusiasm that I was ready now. But she said it was too late, and that I ruined the moment.. how? I felt so used and defeated.. like because I wasn't the ultimate sex-man taking all her instructions I somehow "ruined" it.. but I really tried.. just to have us feel connected at the very least..

Anyway, she got up and got ready for bed, and I was laying there feeling sad and disconnected from my own body at that point. When she came back we didn't talk much, and what we did say was strained and in conflict. We went to bed extremely awkwardly. I laid there in the dark in silence for an hour, trying not to move too much as she fell asleep, and trying to fall asleep myself. Eventually I got up and went to sleep in the other room.

There are probably a lot of complex psychological factors at play here.. but I'm trying not to get lost in those. Nonetheless, I do feel lost.. this is a repeat pattern now: I do things I think will make her happy, I'm happy too, then all of a sudden she's not, and we're at this place of hurt and disappointment and don't know what to do.

Thoughts? Advice?