Hi, I need a little advice about my current relationship. I (27M) have been in a relationship with “Paul” (25M) for one year. This is my first relationship, but not his. For added context, we’re both bisexual. Paul has had sex with men and women in the past, many more men than women, but Paul was my first for a variety of reasons, the biggest being major PTSD from a medical issue a few years ago. We met on Grindr, my second time ever meeting up with someone, first time ever actually having sex. He was supposed to be the first of many for me to explore myself. But, we couldn’t stay away from each other and caught feelings that turned into love.

My current issue is as follows. I’m suffering a bit with retroactive jealousy, and being jealous of him and his experiences in general. He’s never been in a serious relationship before, everything before me was just physical. I’ve had many online experiences, but nothing of substance.

He knows that I am what he’s looking for in a partner confidently, and I know that he’s amazing and wonderful, but I don’t have the same confidence. I know for an absolute fact that he’s all I could ever want in a man. I just wonder if I owe it to myself to see what else is out there so that I can fully explore my sexuality. We are strictly monogamous.

I feel like I’m caught between a rock and a hard place. Either I stay with him and wonder what could have been or I can lose this amazing special man to go chase something I don’t know if I even want. I love him so much and I really really don’t want to lose him. But I wonder if I’m sacrificing too much to stay in this relationship. He didn’t have to sacrifice, he’s had his experiences and explored, and he knows for sure that I’m the one. How can I be as sure without knowing what else is out there?

I just feel kind of stuck. It feels as though I’m choosing between two major regrets. Regret losing the man I love or regret not trying more (specifically sex with a woman).

I wish I had met him like 6 months later so I could’ve gotten the exploring out of my system. If I knew then what I know now I would’ve said I’m not ready for a relationship and that I’m just starting to figure out who I am.

Any advice would be appreciated. Thank you.