I (30F) have been dating my boyfriend (33M) for 3 months. In person everything seems to be going well, but recently his texting habits have changed, and it’s sending me very mixed signals.

Background: We dated for 6 weeks before making things official. At week 5 he started telling me he was going to make me a set of keys to his apartment, as of right now that hasn’t happened. He asked me to be his girlfriend and there was a palpable change from “dating” him to “in a relationship.” Texting became more frequent. Every day he had off from work (3-4 days a week, he has a bizarre night-shift schedule) he wanted to see each other for breakfast or lunch, and then I’d additionally stay over at his place 3 nights a week.

Then all of the sudden he slowed down texting. Literally on a Wednesday he texted me again that he was getting me keys. Then Thursday I got a cursory “how’s you day?” text. Nothing else. Same thing Friday. Same thing Saturday. So I asked if he needed space, we’d been seeing each other a lot, I totally respect burnout and a need for space. That seemed to make him happy, he took me up on the offer, apologized for being quiet and then told me “you mean a lot to me.”

The next time we saw each other I made a point to say “you can ask me for space whenever you need” he just said “I know” and it was kind of left at that. That was 2.5 weeks ago. I haven’t been pestering him since figuring I’d give him his own space and not smother him since this relationship is still new. However.

Since then we’ve dropped down to seeing each other twice a week and he barely texts at all. Usually it’s 6 hours for him to respond, sometimes he’ll respond with just a thumbs up even if I’ve asked “how’s your day, what are you up to?” I texted him last night at 9pm, and haven’t heard from him. He works nights and was always able to send at least one text on his lunch break, he gets off work at 6am and so he’s obviously seen my message and not responded, it’s 9am now.

The majorly confusing thing is he’s been the one pushing the relationship forward. He asked me to be his girlfriend, he wanted to meet my parents, he asked me to a party that his sister is hosting later this month so I can start meeting his family. So that doesn’t feel like avoidant attachment?

I fully intend to talk to him about this the next time we see each other. Do these questions sound fair? -I’ve noticed you don’t text me much anymore, everything okay between us? -Is there something I’m doing to upset you? -are you getting everything you need from me?

Have you had experience with a partner like this? How did you handle it?

Any advice his appreciated, thanks.

TLDR: My (30F) boyfriend (30M) is the one pushing the relationship forward at the same time he’s pulling away, is this an avoidant attachment style or something else?