There’s a lot of backstory here so I apologize in advance if this is all over the place. My boyfriend has a big social circle and he’s an extremely social person and he has a really tight knit group of friends. One of his friends is getting married in Europe this summer. We both are invited to the wedding, as a couple. I originally gave him a little bit of shit about this wedding because it’s a huge and expensive trip to make just to be a guest at someone’s wedding. I would say about half of the friend group is not going to make the trip. We did have a few arguments about going or not going because he wanted to go. He originally said he’d pay for my ticket and painted the picture that he just wanted me to be in attendance with him for this wedding. He even went as far to say we will spend a few days doing the wedding events and then we will make it a trip for us, since we have only been together for a little over a year and we haven’t had a vacation together yet. Which is why I had any type of issue going in the first place, I wanted a vacation with just us.

I eventually came around to the idea of going because he obviously wanted to go and it was important to him and at the end of the day I just wanted to be there for him! I started to like the idea of having a chance to go to Europe with him and experience something like this with him. Regardless of what it was for, I figured we would have this trip together and changed my mindset to just be grateful I had this opportunity with him.

As time went on, we were talking about/in the works of moving into together, so that would be a financial burden on us to also now consider. So it then became a matter of, if we can’t afford to go we are not going to go. Now to be honest, fast forward to now, neither one of us can afford to go on this trip.

He sat me down one day after about 2 months of officially living together and basically said he was going on the trip with or without me, he promised his brother he would go (they share the same friend group), and that he is now going a few days/week earlier (I don’t remember exactly how long he said at the time) with his friend to “explore insert country name here” but that I’m still invited, he doesn’t mind if I still come, no one going minds that I come for this, and that also he would no longer be able to pay for me and that he wasn’t even going to be able to pay for himself, his brother is lending him the money.

[Some backstory about him and his brother. Their father passed away a few years ago. Their father took my boyfriends brother on a trip to this same country before he passed, that my boyfriend feels he missed out on. I only mention this because when I was talking to his mom about how I feel about this trip, she said there was something in this for insert brothers name here, he wants him there, that’s why he paid for him.]

So immediately I was upset because I thought it would be a trip for us, but it turned into it being a trip with his friends that I was, at the time, invited to. Financially I knew he wouldn’t be able to afford it and I knew at the time I was not going to be able to either, so I told him I would ask my parents to lend me the money. Which I didn’t want to do, I have never had to ask my parents for help before, but I wanted to be on this trip with him and be there for him.

A few days after this conversation, I did end up asking my parents for the money and they said they would help me. So I told my boyfriend that I asked my parents for the money and I do still intend to go on this trip with him. He said ok, he will let me know when they are booking it. That was the last I heard about it.

Fast forward to 2 weeks ago, I saw a group chat name on his phone that made me suspicious about this trip. I knew it was something they were planning. I also saw a text from his brother saying he’s happy he’s coming. So I knew right then and there it was being booked. 10 days went by and he said nothing to be about this trip. I finally brought it up to him and he said he didn’t tell me because he didn’t want it to be a fight and that he was planning on talking to me about it. He said plans changed and he’s now going with only his friends the week before and that I could meet him there for the wedding if I wanted to. Which he knew I wasn’t going to, it’s a big trip to make alone. And I would now have to pay my own way, to meet him there, in Europe, to be there for him at his friends wedding. It’s just too much.

I feel completely slighted. He booked the trip basically behind my back to change the plans to no longer include me, which is why he didn’t want to tell me and thought there would be an argument. And now that we live together, 2 weeks away from him is a long time. It will be hard for me to be away from him for 2 weeks but he is very independent and loves his alone time, so I don’t see that being an issue for him.

There’s nothing I can do, the trip is booked for him and he’s going. I didn’t want him to not go, I just wanted him to go with him and be there with him and now that is not what’s happening.

I trust my boyfriend. He’s never given me a reason to not trust him. But a guys trip, in a different country, in a different time zone, with mostly single guys or guys who are leaving their girlfriends home. It doesn’t sound good to me but maybe that’s just my anxiety speaking.

And plus it’s a wedding, that I am also invited to. Wouldn’t he want to be there together as a couple? I feel like he is completely just thinking of his friends and does not want to miss out on this with his friends and I get that. I just wish he included me when actually making the plans. I wish this was a trip he planned with me instead of with his friends because regardless his friends are going to be there. I was only going to be there for him and it’s not even like he wants me there.

I told him I was worried about communicating while he’s there and he told me that with something like this he’d go out of his way to make me feel appreciated and valued and talk to me. I really wanted the reassurance that this situation would never happen again, because it really does hurt me that he’s going to this without me. It’s a wedding, a wedding that I am also invited to nonetheless, a trip that we spoke about together, one that I would’ve hoped been for us like he said. He did promise me it wouldn’t happen again and I want to trust what he says but I do feel like because he said so much about this trip to me that didn’t happen, I can’t trust what he says now.

He promised his brother and all his friends he would go and that they never went on family vacations when they were younger and he missed out on the trip with their father. I can sympathize with all of that but I can’t sympathize with the way he went about it to not include me.

I love him but I feel completely slighted and I am very hurt by this.