So I just want to state I been dealing with depression for over 15 years of my life. I tend to self destruct and ruin my life often. I tend to procrastinate(extremely), demand a lot of affection/ attention basically very clingy, overweight on the verge of diabetes, I barely am able to hold onto a job. My partner did their best to love me and try to nurture me. I don’t think I actually wanted that. When we first dated I told them my baggage upfront. They were ok with it, they did not tell me their personal baggage at the start but I try to accept it.

I just wanted happy affection and told I’m a cutie. Unfortunately my partner is the type to say it once and I should always know the answer to the question about their feelings for me. I didn’t like that because I don’t think it’s wrong to feel reassured once in a while.

Fast forward I kept feeling them slip away from me and started getting into arguments they don’t do enough. I admit maybe I took it too far, I didn’t understand what they already been doing for me. I been becoming a shell of a person in general. We had a fight about me thinking they don’t text me enough while I was out of town for a couple weeks. They gave me the silent treatment for the first time ever.

When I came back, we sat down and we started talking. My bf said they like “strong independent women who do not need a babysitter or need coddling “ They still love me but the passion is really dying and the only reason they don’t want to break up is because it should be a couples choice and besides my lack of bettering myself…I am a good person to everyone and always put others needs above my own. They said it’s nice but unhealthy for me since I am ignoring myself.

I hate myself and it’s tiring for my partner to help me live my life in sacrifice of their own needs. They know I support them too but since we’re dating, I cling to much on them and rely on them like a child instead of things I should do for myself. They want to feel like they aren’t coddling me and I can handle being an adult and start progressing to a better me and crush my depression.

I love them and I understood but I don’t think them pulling away from me and being less affectionate for while is what I can handle. I wholeheartedly agree I need to get better and I started the steps. But it bothers me deeply and disturbing my mind we won’t be close anymore, they won’t touch me anymore. I mention that but they said they love me and they will touch me but I have to give them time as well.

I’m thinking of telling them we been a full break from each other. Be single for awhile and I focus on me and heal. They can have their independence back and heal too. I love them but I can’t handle any less from affection especially when I’m having full blown panic attacks, which they barely ever comforted me for the past two years. What should I do?do I stay or do I leave? If I stay I will keep thinking about our relationship and if I leave I can move on and focus much more on myself

Before I dated I was getting better as a person and I guess I relapsed into my terrible depressive self and procrastinate my life. Reddit what should I do?