So one of my oldest friends invited me to his country to stay with him for a month and join a huge birthday party he is throwing in two weeks.

Some background context: we've been friends and sometime lovers for 14 years. It's been 4 years since we last saw each other physically. During that time I went through an incredibly difficult marriage and traumatising divorce. The divorce just got through and this is my first holiday after all that.

I was coming here with the hope of healing and finding inspiration in the company of a trusted friend. Well in the first week we travelled together to attend the birthday celebrations of a friend of his. In this week, my friend basically deserted me. No checking in with me, not a single meal eaten together. I attempted repeatedly to spend time with him and got a less than welcoming response. I don't know any of his other friends so I've spent the week more or less completely alone.

He has a lover who he's reconciled with recently and I guess has just spent all the time with this person. During this week, I told him twice that I'm in a very vulnerable broken space and I need more time and support from him. Nothing changed.

In our last conversation, I told him if this continues this way, I will cut my visit short and just leave sooner. Since then, he is trying to hang out but honestly it's too little too late and feels forced and insincere to me.

I'm very very hurt and in our conversations he couldn't say anything that made his behaviour in the last days understandable. All he said was that he didn't understand where I'm coming from and he did spend time with me etc.

I'm dreading the next weeks now and sad that my chance to heal and be comforted is gone. I think I should still cut my trip short and just go focus on myself.

Would love to hear thoughts and perspectives on this. I don't want to lose my friend but I feel the need to protect myself and don't think I'm being treated with love when I most need it. What value is a friendship if it doesn't give that?