We have been together for 8 years,living together for 7 years and married for 4 years.

We both had pets, I only had dogs but he had lots of animals as a kid

My only intimate experience with cats is a cat who threw up on my bed when I was staying with my aunt and uncle

We talked about wanting a pet, and I said I might want a dog because I had dogs growing up but they are a bunch of work, I might want a cat but they seem mean sometimes and also a bunch of work.

( I am depressed and have ADHD, a big reason I don't have kids and was wary about pets)

We talked through several things, a lizard, a hamster, a rat, a chicken, a snake, a cat, a dog, what we would both get the most enjoyment out of and what would be the least work.

We read through lots of literature.

Finally, one night I said "ok, I think I've decided, a cat seems like the best choice". We talked about names, toys, where we would put stuff, etc. I was ready to go to a shelter and start picking out a cat.

(We have different sleep schedules and he had free time after I went to sleep)

I woke up and he said "I wanted to surprise you, here is our kitten!"

I loved the kitten. I love him now. But I wish I had gotten to pick him or be a part of the process. I wish we had gone together to get him.

I have also told him recently I like when he surprises me with gifts, like candy I like or takeout or small gifts)

I just wish I had time to change my mind. Now I have 20 years of picking up poop, cleaning thow up, wiping pee, feeling the sting of cat claws, etc in my future that I didn't fully have time to flesh out.

My husband said he thought it might be like when I have trouble coming up with food to eat for the night, and how I like it better when he picks because I have trouble making up my mind.

But I feel like maybe it's bigger than that? Idk.

My husband has been receptive to me feeling sad that he did this but he asks like "don't you love him? "Do you want me to take him back?" "Do you not like Spaghetti?" And those aren't true, I love him so much, I just needed more time to come to the conclusion that I wanted a cat.

TLDR: My husband bought a cat before I was fully ready as a surprise with very nice intentions, and I'm not sure how to feel about it.