I am FUMING. I just found out my mother had an affair with my high school sweetheart for three years during/right after college. For those doing the math, yes he is 17 years younger than her.

I don’t even know what else to say. I’ve (30F) suffered so much other abuse and manipulation and erratic mood shifts and jealous behavior. She got pregnant with me really young (17), ditched the dad, made up horrible lies about him when he actually would’ve been happy to be in my life, and told me the reason she got pregnant was so she would always have someone “to love her unconditionally.”

When she was able to own my accomplishments, she was glowing. By the time I was old enough (middle school years?) for teachers and family to praise me on my own, it became a competition and the game changed. Her moods required constant placating and apologies, and then she’d throw 5-10 min of proper motherly love and I (and my sibs) would spend so much time trying to get that back. She’s ruined multiple birthdays, my high school and college graduation, my grandmothers funeral, my wedding dress shopping, and my wedding itself. If it wasn’t about her, it wasn’t worth anything.

But this. This is something else entirely. I loved this boy when we were both 16-18. She groomed my friends when they’d come over, offering beers and alcohol at 15. She played up the “sympathetic advice-giving maternal figure” over the years. Jesus, my HS bf & I even went to prom together. In her extensive porn-esque photo collection she kept of him on one of her old hard drives, one of those pics was even FROM MY PROM WHAT THE FUCK. (Also A dick pics. Just like I remember.)

This went on for 3 years and I don’t even know what to do. My stepdad, who was my only protector, enabled & ended up being manipulated into being “cuckolded” eventually saying shit like “have fun! Tell [bf] to fuck you extra hard for me!” Why my mom decided to keep texts and pics I’ll never know but I guess I’m glad she did because I’d never have found out otherwise. One of my mutual friends corroborated. Friend was told by HS bf right before friend left for basic training. This fucking ex-bf came to my wedding. I thought it was to celebrate me/my husband but now I think it was just to see my mom.

This is so fucked up. It’s so, so fucked up. There’s no other choice but to go NC with my mother, but idk what to do with my stepdad. He was always my secure attachment...or so I thought?? But first: how do I even confront them on this? They can’t get away with this. They need to know I know.