I know a lot of this probably comes from childhood patterns. I hate asking for things. Just had to write an email to my therapist asking for some changes. If she reacts negatively or says no, I have to find another therapist. I hate changing therapists. I hate feeling unworthy of what I want/need. I’m going to feel nervous/sick until I know what her response is. I felt nervous/sick even just writing the email over the past few days. Of course, I have to do everything perfectly too. When I came out to my parents, I basically gave them a gift basket of resources to try to soften the blow. I hate feeling not worthy and not enough. And I know it’s because it’s how my uBPD mom sees me. Right now, I’m in the gilded cage/pedastal because I’ve been working my ass off for the family business. But I know it just takes one fuck-up to lose that golden child status. Ugh!