Earlier today I had this lightbulb moment that even in my WILDEST DREAMS there is always someone there that thinks negatively of me. My daydreams go like this: Me- im so happy I achieved xyz Some rando- various hater comments Me- shutting them down There is no happy world where I’m just simply content. There is ALWAYS something negative taking place.

I planned to talk to my therapist about this tomorrow so I started thinking on it more. As it happens mom has recovered from “Waif Fest: This Week” today. And my mind got to work. Who was it that first made me feel bad about myself? I thought it was her but conceded that it might be the school kids. But then I thought who BACKED UP THEIR TAUNTS? It was mom. “Nobody else has to like you like we do” “you ARE weird I get why they feel that way” “you’re so mean it makes sense you don’t have any friends” etc etc etc. Who refused to pull me out of the school that was damaging my mental health after I begged and cried and pleaded? It was mom. And now I’m like holy shit is this where my perma negative monologue came from?! So here i am asking y’all if you’ve experienced this. Thank y’all for your responses, im glad we have this space to support each other.