Hi!

I (41f) and my husband (47m/straight) have a boyfriend (33m), I guess I have the boyfriend, but he’s dating us, friends with my husband.

My husband and I are swingers and have been looking for an ongoing man to join us and we found him, he’s poly.

We have been dating for roughly 2 months now and things by all accounts, are great. My husband and I never play separately, but since BF is demisexual, after doing a check in on things, he mentioned he would like more 1:1 time with both of us. So I went on a solo date with him. It went really well and after taking, since I’m married, there are obviously no solid future plans that we could have like a typical couple, but his primary GF doesn’t even fit into his future desires. I told him to be all in, down to fall in love, etc.

My husband and I spent all day with him yesterday and met his friends and some family. Each time I’m with him, there’s more touch and kissing than the previous time, so I believe he’s getting more comfortable.

But here’s the issue, I need a lot of attention from my partners. He doesn’t give me it, and I don’t feel right about saying anything, because I don’t want to “change” him if this is just how he is. But I want him to say good morning first sometimes, it’s really rare he does, it’s generally me or my husband saying it first. I know there’s a rather large age difference between us and maybe it’s just his generation. I don’t know, it’s been almost 3 years since I dated.

Also, I know my worth. If I was single, this isn’t something I’d put up with, as I know what I want and deserve, and how to give my all into a relationship.

Am I just overthinking this? Should I say something to him about the communication?