At this point I’m just so lost and need a place to vent so I’m here hoping this amazing community can shed some light on the dark times I’m going through.

I(M 28) have been with my partner (F 31) who we will T for 4 years now living together for 2 and it has been such a loving and fulfilling relationship. Back in February we decided to open up our relationship due to a number of conversations and truly understanding one another that we felt we both had the capacity to pursue others and forge loving connections. Fast forward to May where T started seeing a new partner who we’ll call A (M 33).

She expressed how she found him very interesting and wanted to explore a relationship with him which made me excited and actually happy for her because I was able to find a partner as well in that time and wanted her to be able to enjoy that beautiful rush of NRE that I was able to experience as well. A is strictly a monogamous person which was the immediate first red flag I saw when she told me about their first date and interaction on meeting and I couldn’t help but start to feel the guy wrenching pain of a devastating crash about it happen for us.

Fast forward a few months they have broken up 2 times at this point because A has started to feel so much love for T and can’t help but feel jealous that he can’t have her all to her self. This made T very emotional and started to withdrawal love and compassion that she would give me to support him which I stupidly allowed thinking this is just a moment in time where I need to support her and be the rock that I’ve always been for her.

It’s now October and as the blinds start to peel back she’s telling me more and more that she truly loves him now and no longer feels connected or want to be connected to me in a romantically or loving way. I’ve never felt such a deeper pain of betrayal and heartbreak in my entire life before. I think it stings so much more because knowing T could have both of us and work through things to make it work but is deciding to pursue a mono life with A just brings me to my knees every time I think about it.

I’ve been there for T in every single hardship in her life, I’ve nursed her back to health when she was at a all time low to supporting her through death in her family so my heart breaks so much because she rather chase the magical dragon that is NRE and not truly understand what Love really is.

We’re still living together now but I’m looking for apartments now so I can just be to myself and heal the way I need to heal. How do I make this hurt stop? Everyday just feels like a never ending nightmare….