So my (43M) and my wife (43F) have been open for 14 years, she was poly from almost the beginning and I moved that way about 7 years later. I broke up with a girl I had just started seeing and she broke up with her LDR of 8 years. She announced that with this heartache and onset of increasingly difficult health problems, that she would not be seeking anyone else.

I know my wife, and knew that she would be feeling a bit isolated, and asked her feelings if I continued. She said it would be "unfair" to ask me to stop; which is very much a "I kinda want you to stop or at least focus on me for now."

I told her that I would "ease" my search and only be looking for people extremely worthwhile and positive energy people (I typically do anyhow, but I mean narrowing my personal filters for people who are really emotionally mature, very stable relationships and living situations, etc.

I connected with someone, and we have been moving almost glacially, but my wife has still gotten triggered despite us only messaging (infrequently) and haven't even met.

If my wife gets much worse, her health and keeping a roof over our heads will consume 100% of my bandwidth, and with reaching a more seasoned age; this might be my last chance to explore poly relationships, yet at the same time I feel I have a strong responsibility to be emotionally supportive of my wife.

I have no desire to deconstruct the relationship or detach; I'm just wondering how others navigate changing priorities and fluctuating willingness to continue a polyamorous agreement when continuing may be inducing harmful stress.

UPDATE: We had a good talk, working on identifying her insecurities and if moving forward is good or not. She also is mending bridges with her former bf, so at least they can be friends. I guess my rant / pity party is over; just needed some sign that she wasn't going to put everything in me and stop me from forming new relationships. Won't be forming any regular ones anytime soon, but talking to someone who maybe up for a comet relationship and that works for everyone involved.

Thanks