My metamour has been having some severe insecurity and jealousy. To try and calm the person, my paramour has shared some details of our relationship (not necessarily sexual but things that felt special and intimate) in an effort to help my metamour know what’s going on and not have mental movies of worst case scenarios. My metamour is really freaked out by the intensity of our paramour connection.

I know my paramour was trying to do the right thing for their marriage, but I feel violated.

I only found out about the revelation through asking a random question and then further revelations have dripped out as I asked more. Now I feel like the privacy and trust in seriously damaged in my relationship.

And now when I look at my metamour I know they know stuff I didn’t feel they needed to—private silly pet names, for example. They were silly but really important to me.

And now I wonder what else will get revealed. Where is the boundary?

I feel at the least my paramour should have told me the revelations happened and at best should have talked with me and gotten my consent to share such things.

Am I overreacting or was my paramour in the wrong? Does a metamour have the right to share such things with a partner or spouse if necessary? Does poly necessarily mean the loss of such privacy because of the other relationships involved? Thanks.