I’m just getting out of a really bad codependent relationship that was emotionally and physically abusive. What’s really difficult for me is this- I was the one being put in a really bad position, but I stayed wishing things got better. It never did, and my partner ended up leaving me because I was so unhappy being treated so terribly.

We opened our relationship, my ex monkey branched to be in a mono-relationship, and I’m left here now solo poly.

So I’m in this really weird spot where I’m trying to figure out what a healthy relationship should really be and what it should do. Like, I know it should probably be obvious, but I feel like everything I knew about relationships has been wrong and I don’t know how to move forward in a conscious and mindful way.

Years ago a counselor told me to read Attached because of my specific relationship at the time, and the book was life changing for me. I guess I’m looking for similar books like that for a happy, healthy, poly centered life. I’m halfway through Polysecure. It’s great, however the first half is really just about attachment styles. I’m looking for more of, “A heathy relationship is A, B, and C. It is not X, Y, and Z.”

Thank you for your suggestions